It’s tough. I still haven’t gotten over it. “Watchmen” was a disappointment. For as many things as it did right (the opening credit sequence, the Dr. Manhattan flashback, the adherence to so much of the book) there are as many things that were just deal-killers (the fetishized violence, the slo-mo “cool” factor, the bland performances).

I even rented “The Tales From the Black Freighter” last night and watched the DVD “documentary” that’s included on the disc called “Under the Hood.” (It’s based on a supplement of the graphic novel.) My conclusion? “Under the Hood” was a complete mixed bag with a couple of inspired moments (mostly due to its meticulous recreation of a 1970s news magazine) and some more bad acting and laughable dialogue. (I’m sorry, Carla Gugino, but your character just isn’t convincing at all. And the guy that play’s Rorschach’s psychiatrist? He’s saddled with the worst line in either the movie or the companion DVD: “I really do hope that I’m able to psychoanalyze one of these masked heroes someday. That would be something.” Really? Do they think we’re twelve?)

“Tales From the Black Freighter” is well done, but without being used as a parallel story, there’s not much point. The narrative doesn’t comment on anything. After all, “Watchmen” the graphic novel achieved what it achieved because it pushed the limits of its own unique art form.

Comic Stripjoint contributor and Kansas City artist Daniel Spottswood summed it up perfectly (including my denial reflex that tells me I’ll get over it someday and just enjoy the film) in this comic-strip “Watchmen” review from Rorschach’s perspective:

Tags: accurate, comic strip, Daniel Spottswood, disappointing, graphic novel, Hilarious, review, says it all, watchmen

Eric Melin and guest host Aaron Weber from Transbuddha review the new Zack Snyder movie “Watchmen,” an adaptation of the graphic novel masterpiece by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. They aren’t afraid to tackle such heady topics as fetishized violence and superhuman strength from costumed adventurers who are supposed to be portrayed as having no superpowers (save Dr. Manhattan of course!), a gross simplification of the comic’s complicated themes, a shocking lack of subtlety, whether the heavily stylized look was the right choice for the material, whether one viewing is enough to balance the spectacle vs. the storytelling, and Eric’s failed strategy of trying really hard to resist reading the book again right before seeing the movie. This is an emotional, honest look at a film that both reviewers had been anticipating for years and years, and one still refuses to give up on, even when all his instincts tell him he should do just that. Here’s his overly long print review.

Tags: 2009, film, film review, movie, movie review, review, video, watchmen, zack snyder

Click here for an on-camera review with clips from the movie.

Director Zack Snyder’s adaptation of the revered 1986-87 graphic novel “Watchmen,” written by Alan Moore and illustrated by Dave Gibbons, is like the ever-changing mask of its best-drawn character, Rorschach. Paced at many variable speeds, “Watchmen” is the most wildly inconsistent film I’ve seen in recent memory. In fact, the movie is so uneven that it sometimes it feels like parody or a gaudy recreation just minutes after achieving some kind of true cinematic bliss.

If only those blissful scenes were more prevalent in this 163-minute movie—a rare film that feels too long because of its awkward pacing and at the same time too short because it seems like there’s a ton of story missing.

Well, at least we had time for plenty of Snyder’s now-signature melodramatic slow-motion shots.

Let me back up. I did a foolish thing. I read “Watchmen” just this past week, right before seeing the movie. I knew that comparison would be inevitable and that it would cloud my ability to evaluate the film on the film’s merit alone, but I just couldn’t help myself. I hadn’t read it in 10 years and I got excited—kind of like Dan Dreiberg putting on that old Nite Owl suit again.

Wait, let me back up again.

“Watchmen” the 12-issue comic-series-turned-classic-graphic-novel is a literary rumination about many things—the bestial nature of humans, the hunger for power and its consequences, the inevitability of time, the question of destiny, and the psychology of what it might take to make someone put on a silly costume and go out and fight crime. The book asks what motivates one to be a hero and comes up with myriad reasons across the psychological spectrum—very few of them pretty.

“Watchmen” the movie recreates the purple, red, and yellow hues of the book’s alternate-reality 1985 and ramps up its very few action scenes to ridiculous levels while trying to stuff as much of the comic’s dialogue into the mouths of its characters as possible. Unfortunately, this approach doesn’t do the complicated tale any favors. Snyder’s movie is too tidy and reduces these lofty ideas to the kind of typical sentiment that he probably thought would be easier to swallow for an audience of the uninitiated.

It’s too bad, really, because with an opening-credit sequence as inspired as the one he’s concocted, the audience is hooked immediately and probably didn’t need to be talked down to. This bravura scene has its roots in the images of Gibbons’ intricately rendered 1940s costumed adventurers, but ironically, it is one of very few moments that don’t come directly out of the graphic novel. Snyder places us in the “Watchmen” reality by showing the rise and fall of costumed heroes through a series of stunning virtual freeze-frames of actual U.S. history (V-J Day, moon landing, JFK’s assassination) that have been altered by the presence of these costumed freaks. It is all rendered in super slo-mo and set to Bob Dylan’s “The Times They Are A-Changin’.”

In the movie’s 1985, the U.S. and U.S.S.R. are racing towards mutual nuclear destruction and Richard Nixon has repealed term limits to remain in the White House. Paranoia was amplified by the time period in which the book was released, and it’s a bold move by screenwriters Alex Tse and David Hayter to retain that notion today. Since that choice was made then, why wasn’t the choice also made to keep the actor doing the worst Nixon impression I’ve ever seen off the screen altogether? A silhouette and the man’s voice would have sufficed, but instead Snyder yanks his audience right out of that magical opening scene by giving us a poor Nixon caricature with a nose more fake than Michael Jackson’s.

From there, we learn of a possible plot to kill superheroes (I hope “The Incredibles” paid Moore some kind of royalty back in 2004!) from an angry little cuss named Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) who narrates in a menacing growl that would make Clint Eastwood jealous. He’s on a mission to warn his fellow outlawed adventurers, including the rich and famous businessman Ozymandias (Matthew Goode), the nebbish Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson), the young and pretty Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman), and her otherworldly boyfriend Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup), the only person on the planet with actual superpowers.

The movie poster claims that Snyder is the “visionary” director behind “300,” but the movie itself soon proves that only that he’s a first-rate visual stylist who fetishizes “cool.” What sets Rorschach off is the murder of an amoral government-sponsored “mask” named The Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). In one of a seemingly infinite number of slo-mo fight scenes with amped up sound effects, he is beaten to a pulp for a good long time before being thrown out the window.

The problem is that by swooping the camera around and dwelling on every painful punch (even one through a tile wall), Snyder is engaging in violence for purely prurient interests. Rather than deconstructing the superhero myth, he is merely glorifying the carnage. This is antithetical to the entire idea of realizing costumed adventurers as actual people, and is especially hard to take when an unexpected alley mugging is an excuse for Snyder to have some bone-snapping fun at his characters’ expense. Rather than showing the consequences of violence, Snyder is fetishizing it like he did in “300.”

Snyder’s efforts to make “Watchmen” a commercial property make sense from a business standpoint (I’m the first to congratulate him for finishing a project that Terry Gilliam, Paul Greengrass, and Darren Aronofsky couldn’t finish.) Upping the action and violence factor certainly helps jar the viewer every now and then during the movie’s long 163 minutes, but doing that also sells out the point of the tale.

That’s not the only element that breaks any sort of psychological realism the film might have built up. Snyder doesn’t know how to handle his actors. One minute they are delivering dialogue that sounds like it was ripped from the pages of a “Star Wars” prequel and the next minute it all feels like a parody; like he’s messing with us on purpose. Bland performances from Akerman and Morgan don’t help, but most of all what is missing from the acting is any sort of consistency (with the exception of Haley and Crudup). There are even some very minor roles that turn out to be essential parts of the movie, and many of those actors seem like they could have been better handled by Ed Wood. (I’m speaking specifically, for example, about the last scene in the movie.)

Snyder may find it hard to handle dialogue or actors with any sort of subtlety, but he sure is great with montages. The other amazing scene in “Watchmen” is Dr. Manhattan’s origin story. The naked man who glows blue is human only in form. He experiences his own past, present, and future. For him, time doesn’t proceed forward sequentially like a movie, but rather all at once. It can be experienced in any order he chooses, like reading a two-page spread of comic book panels. Snyder flashes forward and backward through Manhattan’s life with precision, appropriating two beautiful pieces from Philip Glass’ “Koyaanisqatsi” soundtrack and featuring a calm narration from Crudup. These uniting forces keep the sequence together, giving the audience a taste of how it feels if all moments are the same moment. The God-like being’s remoteness from the world—his disconnect with all things human—become real. It’s a true “movie magic” scene—so much so, in fact, that when it’s time later for a pivotal moment where Manhattan’s mind must change for good, it’s bungled and unconvincing.

One scene that may rub some people the wrong way (mostly because with all the varied tones in the movie, the audience doesn’t know how to take it) is a love scene that starts with the heroes wearing their costumes. It’s filmed with a little Skinemax-style soft focus and is a purposefully funny moment, culminating in a giant flamethrower ejaculation.

Part of the appeal of the book was as much about the method of storytelling as it was the story. Numerous parallel stories commented on the unfolding narrative of the costumed adventurers. Many of those characters will be edited in later for a longer DVD cut, but their omission is not just felt by me as a fan of the graphic novel. Cutting out the characters on the New York street corner removes a great deal of the feeling of doom that should hang over the movie. Instead of experiencing the impending terror through their characters, we get newsreaders and politicians making speeches on TV and the old faithful ticking-clock device, here renamed the Doomsday Clock.

Again, Snyder is a visual stylist. The hollow simplicity of “300” was a tableau for him to show off his affectation for slow-motion violence and highly saturated colors. With “Watchmen,” however, the director is saddled with one hell of a complicated story. And he can’t handle it. It’s as simple as that. He benefits greatly from the source material in the sense that the compelling ideas in his movie are mostly from the graphic novel. And in the movie, they are still compelling (that is, when he’s not watering them down because he thinks “we can’t handle the truth!”).

What makes the “heroes” of “Watchmen” so interesting is that they hold down opposite philosophical ends of the spectrum. The book offers no answers, just a lot of questions. The movie, on the other hand, takes a stab at being an ordinary “nothing is more complicated than the human heart” story. Even in that respect, it doesn’t quite work.

Or at least that’s what I thought after one viewing. I’ll report back after seeing it again this weekend.

Tags: eric melin, film, film review, movie review, review, watchmen, zack snyder

Want to see an advance screening of Zack Snyder’s long-awaited movie adaptation of the best graphic novel ever printed? Yeah? I thought so. Your pals here at Scene-Stealers have 20 ‘admit-two’ passes for the advance screening in Kansas City on Tuesday, March 3 at the AMC Olathe Studio 30 (I-35 & 119th). The screening starts at 7:30 pm and we want you to be there! All you have to do is follow the instructions below.

HOW TO PLAY: The Scavenger Hunt will require the use of our site search engine, located in the upper right hand portion of each page.

When you see a clue, type the answer into the search engine.

One of the pages that comes up will have your next clue on it.

It may not be the first or second page you click on, so make sure you look at them all.

The clues will have a graphic of the Doomsday Clock next to them, and are found in the bottom right-hand corner of the correct pages only.

Type your answer to the question in the search engine and move on to the correct next page.

There are 10 clues before you get to the final answer.

Once you have the final answer,  fill out the form on the last page with all your information, adding your FINAL CORRECT ANSWER.

All entries with the correct answer will be entered to win one of 20 passes. The drawing will be Friday morning Feb. 27, 2009. The winners will be notified by email and receive instructions on how to print off their passes online. If you are one of the lucky 20 winners, please remember to get there early. These screenings are often overbooked. Your pass will have more details on this.

Hint: All answers must be spelled correctly.

Hint: Type all answers in the search engine in lowercase only.

Hint: If you see a page you’ve already been to after searching, you haven’t looked at them all yet.

Hint: Your first clue is at the bottom right hand side of this page.

 There’s only one character in the “Watchmen” universe who has superpowers. His name is Dr. _____________.

Tags: advance passes, doomsday clock scavenger hunt, giveaway, kansas city, watchmen

More cool news from the “Watchmen” movie camp:

You’ve got to be a member of the New York Times website to see this, so I’ll just post the entire article here, but the gist of it is that the “Tales of the Black Freighter” story that serves to comment on the action in “Watchmen” will be released simultaneously with the theatrical release of the movie, only on DVD only. Another highlight, director Zack Snyder says his cut is approaching three hours. I say they do  Volume One and Two like “Kill Bill” and make it four or five hours total!  Here also is a photo of the Minutemen group of superheros, circa 1940. Again, like the other photos released so far, the art direction and costuming are nothing short of first rate. i’m so thankful they are keeping all periosd elements of this excellent graphic novel the same…this photo is courtesy AICN.com. here’s the Times article:

By BROOKS BARNES

Published: May 26, 2008

LOS ANGELES — Retail’s love affair with the DVD is on the rocks and Warner Brothers Entertainment would like to patch things up. 

In the movie “Watchmen,” Jesse Reid reads “Tales of the Black Freighter,” which will appear as a DVD within days of the film.

Faced with a decline in DVD sales, Warner Brothers, part of Time Warner, is planning an unusual effort around its upcoming adaptation of the popular graphic novel “Watchmen.” Directed by Zack Snyder and set for a March 2009 release, the big-budget movie tells the story of a group of retired superheroes who are tied to a conspiracy that could change history.

The twist is that Mr. Snyder, known for turning the Spartan comic book series “300” into a global hit movie, is also directing a separate-but-related picture that Warner plans to distribute exclusively on DVD.

The second film, tentatively called “Tales of the Black Freighter,” follows a side “Watchmen” storyline about a shipwreck and will arrive in stores five days after the main movie rolls out in theaters. The DVD will also include a documentary-style film called “Under the Hood” that will delve into the characters’ backstories.

Warner, the No. 1 distributor of DVDs, bills the effort as a way to renew retail excitement for little silver discs now that the once-booming market has matured.

After years of blistering growth, domestic DVD sales fell 3.2 percent last year to $15.9 billion, according to Adams Media Research, the first annual drop in the medium’s history. While it is still a blockbuster business, any decline is cause for concern because DVD sales can account for as much as 70 percent of revenue for a new film. Results for the first quarter this year were mixed, with overall sales flat but notable softness for some new releases like Warner’s box office hit “I Am Legend.”

As a result — and as consumer adoption of the next-generation Blu-ray discs lags — some important retail partners like Wal-Mart Stores have been starting to rethink how much shelf space they devote to the category. Also up for discussion is to what degree retailers market new releases in circulars and with in-store promotions.

“There is a fear that if the DVD category declines over time that any well-run retailer is going to re-evaluate its commitment,” said Ron Sanders, the president of Warner Home Video. “We are offering retailers a meaningful opportunity to be involved with the theatrical event, to have a product that will generate foot traffic and sales.”

If that sounds like spin, to some degree it is. The movie studio would not be drafting one of its top filmmakers and sinking millions into “Tales of the Black Freighter” if it did not see a direct benefit for itself.

The immediate goal is for the parallel release to help start a potential new movie franchise. As television advertising becomes less effective because of declining TV viewership, movie studios need to reach a mass audience somehow, and having what amounts to ads sitting on store shelves is seen as a crucial antidote.

The effort is also a way for Warner to get more DVD bang for not many more bucks. The “Watchmen” film, Mr. Synder said, will probably generate at least three DVDs: “Tales of the Black Freighter,” followed about four months later by release of “Watchmen” itself, and then an “ultimate” edition in which the two are edited together into one megamovie.

“The überfans of this property are going to go crazy for that,” Mr. Snyder said.

Warner has another reason to make nice with retailers. The studio, under added scrutiny from Wall Street now that its corporate parent plans to spin off Time Warner Cable, has annoyed chains by leading a movement in Hollywood to simultaneously release titles on DVD and on video-on-demand services.

Retailers worry that DVD sales will suffer from the lack of exclusivity, but Warner — which enjoys 60 percent profit margins for video on demand, compared to half that for physical DVD sales — says there is no cannibalization. Warner said this month that it would distribute many new releases simultaneously to DVD and on-demand services.

Warner downplayed any friction from the growth of video on demand. “Our retail partners haven’t seen a dramatic impact one way or another on their business, so they’re allowing us to work on it,” said Mr. Sanders.

Retailers seem to be taking a wait-and-see approach to Warner’s olive branch. Wal-Mart, the nation’s biggest DVD retailer, with as much as 40 percent of sales, declined to comment. Target, which has historically accounted for about 15 percent of DVD sales, said, “We’re always looking for opportunities to generate excitement in our entertainment business.”

Tom Adams, the founder of Adams Media Research, predicted that retailers would embrace the “Tales of the Black Freighter” strategy. “They have every reason to try it,” he said. “It’s a fresh idea and it’s something that will be of value to movie fans.”

Warner knows releasing a related film on DVD at the same time it is trying to motivate people to buy tickets to “Watchmen” is not without risk. Consumers could become confused about which is which. And if they are disappointed in the quality of “Tales of the Black Freighter,” the plan might hurt sales of the “Watchmen” DVD.

“We feel a great responsibility to do this well for exactly these reasons,” said Diane Nelson, president of Warner Premiere, the division responsible for direct-to-DVD projects. “The movies that we do under this parallel content strategy have to be viable in their own right.” Although Ms. Nelson declined to reveal the budget for “Tales of the Black Freighter,” she said it was 30 percent to 50 percent higher than a typical direct-to-DVD effort.

Still, some concessions were made because of the budget, Mr. Snyder said. The original plan was to tell the “Black Freighter” story in a visual style similar to the mock-historical “300.” But an early budget was approaching $20 million and the studio balked, he said. Instead, the feature will be animated.

Mr. Snyder said he was eager to head a direct-to-DVD project, in part because it would allow him to use more material from the “Watchmen” graphic novel.

“I thought the ‘Black Freighter’ story would never see the light of day,” he said. “The main picture is nearing three hours long and I know I have a fight on my hands just with that.”

In addition, the studio plans a dozen 22- to 26-minute Webisodes to help make the complex story easier for the uninitiated to digest. Called “The Watchmen Motion Comic,” it will be a panel-by-panel slide show of the graphic novel narrated by an actor.

Although no decisions have been made, Mr. Snyder, who is overseeing the digital component but leaving the details to others, said the Webisodes would probably be combined for later release on — you guessed it — DVD.

Tags: minutemen, news, tales of the black freighter, watchmen