Bill Heinen from Leavenworth, KS contributed the much-debated Top 10 Best Horror Remakes list for Scene-Stealers back in September, and now he’s back with a list of songs he’d like to see used in movies. Here’s Bill:

Let’s face it: Movie lovers are usually individuals who appreciate, analyze, love, or at the very least, listen to a decent amount of music. It makes perfect sense, after all; both mediums are often focused on making people think, making people feel, helping one to enjoy or admonish life in all its complexities, while of course providing a sense of escapism or emotional catharsis. How many times have you seen a movie that may have sucked but you still enjoyed the soundtrack? (”Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” comes to mind.) The honorable mentions are listed after #1 below.

Occasionally, there is a song that fits a scene so perfectly (”Burn” by The Cure in the film “The Crow”) that you wonder if the director and the artists were drawing up both at the same time, conspiring to provide something truly amazing and captivating for the audience. Then there are films that are so good, and have such a perfect soundtrack, it’s hard to separate the two (for me, this has to be “Adventureland.” Love the movie; love the music just a little bit more). Every now and again as I listen to music, I imagine what I think would be happening if it were in a movie, and I doubt I’m the only person who does this. So I decided to come up with a list of ten songs that I think should be featured in a film, not only because they are excellent songs to begin with, but because so much can be done when using them as a backdrop as part of a narrative.

10. “Get It Faster” by Jimmy Eat World

Though the songs “The Middle” and “Hear You Me” star in a combined six films, another song from the same album, “Bleed American,” seems to get overlooked. “Get It Faster” does appear in a tour video called Riding in Vans With Boys, but has yet to be featured in an actual film. It’s a great song with several layers, starting out slow and quiet until suddenly Jim Adkins breaks the subdued static with his catchy vocal melodies. The overall theme of the song is one of survival, particularly emotional survival; getting through a tough patch in the face of adversity and not succumbing or taking the easy way out. Therefore we could take the literal word “cheating” from the lyrics and throw this into a scene in which a protagonist finds out his or her lover has been unfaithful and is in the process of storming out of a room, tearing things from the walls and running into the night outside; surviving, albeit chaotically, a violent break-up of a doomed relationship. This song could also work for a very physical sporting event, particularly hockey or football, and the fast, harmonic breakdown towards the middle of the song could be used in a car-chase scene or some kind of getaway.

“I’m finding out…that cheating gets it faster”

9. “Later” by The Dead Girls

After winning a Pitch award two years in a row as well as securing their first Deadwood Derby in Lawrence, it’s safe to say The Dead Girls are one of the best bands in the Midwest, and in my opinion they are set to explode onto the national scene any day now. (Ed. note: This is Eric’s band.) All sucking up aside, this is a fantastic song, and easily my favorite that the band has ever written. It has various components to it that could all work at different points in different kinds of movies; the happy, upbeat intro could be set behind a house party going on in some kind of teenage comedy, and then as we break the first verse with JoJo Longbottom’s jagged, delayed guitar-crunch there could (and should) be a fight going on. There are some wonderful mini-solos echoing throughout this song, but the real meat and bones is in the powerful chorus, particularly the second chorus leading into the finale. As the song picks up in the end, starting with the chorus, I can see a bunch of flashes of twenty-somethings partying, making out with hot girls, getting hammered, driving all over the road, and finally, piling out of a smoked-out van to see a great band live at some sticky, overcrowded venue. This song gets intense at the end, especially the drums, so the scene should as well. (The version here is unmixed and unmastered. The album comes out in January 2010.)

“I might have to go away…to a place where we can’t stay.”

8. “Freak Out” by Stellastarr*

This song probably would have ended up on the aforementioned soundtrack to “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist” had the band released “Civilized” just a year or two earlier. As it stands, Stellastarr* is something of an enigma, claiming to be indie rock but never really proving that they should be categorized as such. Though there are many other songs by this group that could work in a vast amount of various scenes (my favorite being “Somewhere Across Forever” from their self-titled debut), this song is one of two “credit” songs that I’m including. Why? Because the credits and the music behind it can easily set the pace for a film, and the intro to this track possesses a haunting, ominous quality to it that slowly intensifies throughout the verse until the chorus as bassist Amanda Tamen utters her distinctively Kim Deal-esque coos behind the bellicose sing-shouting of vocalist Shawn Christensen. This is an art-house band (or art school, for that matter, as that is where they originally met), so when I hear “Freak Out,” I visualize opening credits interspersed with a bird’s eye view of a large, bustling city that with every frame gets closer to the frantic lives of its occupants. Perhaps as the song continues, the camera could follow a group of young hipsters going in and out of bars, clubs, house-parties, looking to hook up, do a ton of drugs, and appear as apathetic as possible. In other words, I see this song working really well in the next Bret Easton Ellis film adaptation.

“And we can freak out, freak out, come on and hit me with the streetlights tonight. I always hear you when you’re gone.”

7. “Can’t Make a Sound” by Elliott Smith

Yes, he’s featured in a fair amount of films already, and I’ll never forget the first time I saw Richie attempt suicide in “The Royal Tenenbaums” as “Needle in the Hay” rolled along (such a fantastic song choice), but Elliott Smith has so many great songs that would work so well in films that I had to include him, not to mention the first line of this song is, “I have become a silent movie…” So after a lot of thinking and listening, I chose this one primarily because its melancholic, nearly-nihilistic tone just seems to fit so well into a break-up scene. Or better yet, the aftermath of a break-up; a lonely guy not noticing that he’s walking through ankle-deep puddles in the middle of the street as it rains, not giving a shit that he’s soaking wet and blocking traffic. As Smith continually sings, “Why should you want any other?” in the background, the character could be looking through old photos, maybe burning each one after he gives a last, longing glance, drinking whiskey straight from the bottle and chain-smoking cigarettes.

“Standing up to sit back down…lose the one thing found.”

6. “Blankest Year” by Nada Surf

How or why this song hasn’t been used yet for a party scene, or a scene in which the characters are getting ready for a party, I have no idea. It’s upbeat, pitch-perfect, and would fit so well into a comedy or coming-of-age story. I’m thinking something along the lines of a person quitting their job and putting up fliers all over town inviting both friends and random people alike to give up their worries for one insane night of debauchery and self-expression. As lead singer Matthew Caws chants over and over again throughout the song behind the simple, straightforward fuzzed guitar strums, “Aw fuck it, I’m gonna have a party,” I think the crowd of people in the film should sing right along with him. On a side-note, the first chance I get to participate in an Aireoke event, I am totally airing to this song.

“I had the blankest year, outside life turned into a tv show.”

5. “Tame” by Pixies

It’s kind of a shame that most of my generation only knows who this band is because “Where is my Mind” was featured in the final scene of “Fight Club,” but if it got people to buy or burn a copy of “Surfer Rosa,” I can’t complain too much. Needless to say, the band that inspired Kurt Cobain and countless others, myself included, have a great deal of fantastic songs. Most of Black Francis’ lyrics are perfect for sci-fi and horror films, mainly because the weird and bizarre is his bread and butter, but this is the second “credit” song I have on the list. Every time I hear this song I think of a girl getting out of school and running home, looking determined, maybe a little frazzled or perplexed, but with a sense of conviction and purpose. Don’t ask me why, maybe it’s that first line, “hips like Cinderella,” but that’s just what I see. And then she gets home and sheds the good-girl uniform onto the floor and slips into something dingier, something that expresses how she feels inside, and as the song ends, her staring into the camera. Maybe she’s a serial killer, maybe she just has some serious daddy-issues, but as Kim Deal and Black Francis chant in unison during the breakdown, the gloves come off, so to speak, and the real lady begins to shine through.

“Fall on your face in those bad shoes, lying there like you’re tame.”

4. “Friday Night” by House of Heroes

I think this band has a LOT going for them, and if you haven’t heard ‘em yet, check out their self-titled album. Or just this song. At any rate, it has an early Weezer vibe to it, kind of a blend between the blue album and a little bit of “Pinkerton” thrown in, but not enough to make it sound like they are blatantly ripping anyone off. This song in particular is about someone trying to stay out of trouble, trying to avoid the same situations that end in the same ways, namely, with this individual losing a piece of themselves in fighting all the time. And as with a few other entries on this list, this song should be the backdrop for a party, or some kind of fun gathering, in which people are mingling, looking for trouble, looking for an escape from their otherwise dull lives. This song would fit most nicely in a teenage dark comedy. A nice little touch would be for two people who notice each other from across the room slowly come together and smile at one another as the song progresses.

“all day cigarettes, all day entertain the void, there are so many things I should be doin’ but I don’t and I don’t change.”

3. “Marquee Moon” by Television

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this song was in a movie, but to the best of my ability I’ve looked it up and still can’t find any proof that it is. And that is fucking insane. We hear Ramones songs all the time in films, and yet these guys were the very first group to perform at CBGB’s in New York City! This song is pretty damn long, so while listening to it I thought only a few pieces here and there would work in the context of being behind a developing scene. That being said, the initial guitar licks would be used in a film while a group of badasses (set sometime in the late 70s) are walking down a busy sidewalk, flashing evil glances at those that dare to stare for too long. As the verse kicks in, it should flash to these same guys at night, playing pool in a rowdy, dirty bar and smoking cigars, checking out girls, talking shit, etc, and the camera might even be Super 8 here and there, just to look as grainy and seedy as the characters. This song is completely open to interpretation so I’d love to see in the comments section what everyone envisions as they hear this song. It can work in so many different contexts, but this is just what seems to stick out in my head most often when I listen to it.

“Life in the hive puckered up my night, the kiss of death, the embrace of life.”

2. “She” by Misfits

It’s kind of baffling that despite the fact that this band is named after a movie (Marilyn Monroe’s last film, “The Misfits”) and about 75 percent, if not more, of their songs are about horror and sci-fi films (particularly of the grade-B variety), The Misfits are only featured in a handful of films (the most recent being “Jackass: The Movie” with “Hybrid Moments”). As with my previous entry of “Tame,” to me this is a song about an evil, intelligent, manipulative, yet beautiful woman. The song is said to be originally inspired by the life of Patty Hearst, so I’d like to stick with that theme and imagine a woman on a vicious rampage, mowing down anyone in her way, robbing banks, stealing cars, killing her numerous lovers, confounding police officers, and never looking back. I always envision a lovely yet insane woman driving an old convertible with the top down and her hair blowing wildly in the wind as Danzig screams, “She is on the run!” at the end of the song.

“She walked in in silence, never spoke a word.”

1. “Arcarsenal” by At The Drive-In

OK, so I was actually going to put “any and every song” by At the Drive-In, but considering I went song-specific on everything else, I had to with this one as well. Truly though, for some reason, At the Drive-In’s music doesn’t appear in a single film, not even their most famous song “One-Armed Scissor.’ I don’t think At the Drive-In ever made a bad album, and though I like some songs more than others, they are all excellent in their own warped ways. This song is just so in-your-fucking-face that it had to be number one. It can go along with anything involving action, although a modern-day gun battle would probably work best, especially with the vociferous words “Beware!” being blasted every other second in the pre-chorus. A very fast, very violent, very bloody and gory shootout fits the mood of this track, with our hero (or antihero) taking everyone out, showing absolutely no mercy. For some reason I see it happening in a parking garage, or the rooftop of a parking garage, with people ducking behind cars in an attempt to get shelter from the hundreds of bullets coming straight for them. Lots of action, lots of intensity, lots of stimulation for the viewer, just like I imagine lead singer Cedric Bixler-Zavala would want.

“Soft white glow in the cranium, a bull’s eye made sedated”

Honorable Mentions:

“We Killed the American Dream” – Josephine Collective

“Silver & Cold” – AFI

“Real Drums” – Ultimate Fakebook

“All Ears” – Kill Creek

“Antsinjapants” – Cinemechanica

“You Wouldn’t Like Me” – Tegan & Sara

“Dead” – Pixies

“So Contagious” – Acceptance

“Waiting” – Over It

“Maybe I’ll Catch Fire” – Alkaline Trio

“Complete Control” – The Clash

“Existentialism on Prom Night” – Straylight Run

“Flesh Into Gear” – CKY

“Hate to See You Go” – The Color Fred

“Gasoline” – The Airborne Toxic Event

Tags: best, credits, featured, movie, never, should be, songs, soundtrack, Top 10 Songs That Should Be Used in a Movie, Top Ten Songs That Should Be Used in a Movie, used

Ever wondered what happened to characters after the credits started rolling in some of your favorite films? Well, kudos to CollegeHumor.com, who managed to point out why ambiguous endings are sometimes way better than tidy ones by showing us the worst possible endings to “The Wrestler,” “Lost in Translation,” “No Country for Old Men,” HBO’s “The Sopranos,” and “The Graduate.”

I thought they’d have their hands full tackling these classic movies (and TV show), but this is a really well-done (and very funny) video. Enjoy!

Tags: ambiguous, ending, graduate, lost in translation, movie, no country for old men, revealed, sopranos, wrestler

Eric and guest host Trevan McGee (InkKC.com) review the new apocalyptic disaster porn movie “2012″ starring John Cusack and directed by Roland Emmerich. The Mayan prophecy says the world will end in 2012, and Hollywood has co-opted that premise for a flick with lots of state-of-the-art CGI special effects. Is “2012″ up to the cinematic standards of the man who also directed “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow”? Does it at least succeed as a  doomsday action movie? Find out in this on-camera movie review of “2012″ with clips from the film.

Tags: 2012, 2012 movie review, cusack, emmerich, film, mayan, movie, review

I didn’t expect much from director Roland Emmerich’s latest disaster flick other than a little dumb fun. “2012” couldn’t even deliver that.

What follows is a short, and hopefully concise, review for a long, and depressingly boring, film (158-minute running time) that is about as almost as much fun as spending three hours alone in a doctor’s waiting room.

Maybe it was asking too much of Emmerich to give us another big disaster flick and distinguish it at all from any of his previous ones (after all, it’s not like “10,000 B.C.” did anyone any favors). The man who gave us “Independence Day,” “The Day After Tomorrow,” and that woeful “Godzilla” remake, it seems, has nothing new to share. Instead he brings back the same tired storylines, with new actors and larger special effects, in hopes that this alone will be enough to satisfy. It’s not.

We’re given: The workaholic dad (John Cusack) who we know will take this opportunity to make things up to his estranged wife (Amanda Peet) and cute kids (Liam James, Morgan Lily). The noble scientist (Chiwetel Ejiofor) who is constantly surprised and thwarted by the government bureaucrat (Oliver Platt) in his attempt to do the right thing. And don’t forget the strong woman with a heart of gold (Thandie Newton) who will no doubt fall for him.

Sadly the special effects, though impressive in the scale and level of destruction, can’t save this sinking ship either. The film delivers none of the fun that “disaster porn” should provide. The morose cloud which hangs over the picture takes away any and all enjoyment to be had from the wanton destruction of the planet.

And do we really need to see the White House destroyed again? Even if Emmerich’s new method of throwing an aircraft carrier at it is different, the result is the same. Been there, done that.

For all its boasts, “2012″ is mostly a tease. We are forced to wait 40 minutes before the real destruction gets started. Then the script does its best to keep interrupting these moments of chaos with canned emotional scenes between the characters (who have just narrowly escaped disaster, again).

The only one here having any fun at all is Woody Harrelson as a crazy conspiracy nut who smartly (given the script) commits suicide at the first possible moment to get out of this dreadful bore of a film. He’s the lucky one.

Emmerich wastes talented actors I normally like, even those I like in bad movies (I’d much rather sit through a double-header of “A Lot Like Love” and “America’s Sweethearts” than sit through “2012″ again), but this lifeless bore delivers nothing. The film lacks the thrill of “Armageddon,” the campy fun of “The Core,” the patriotic jauntiness of “Independence Day,” or even the cheesy B-movie charm of “The Day After Tomorrow.”

I didn’t actively hate “2012″. It didn’t make me angry or want to throw something at the screen. All it really made me do was want to take a nap. I wasn’t rooting for the nature to kill off these characters, but I didn’t exactly care what happened to them either. The latest disaster movie is just that, a disaster (and a pretty boring one at that).

Tags: 2009, 2012, 2012 disaster, 2012 movie, cusack, emmerich, movie, review

Warren J Cantrell, the man who wrote so many Top 10 lists for us that he started his own site (10rant.com), is back! Here’s Warren:

I recently saw a movie with an assassin character that frightened me so thoroughly that I realized there were things in this world more terrible than credit card interest and reality television, more vile than Osama, the Wolfman, and Bill O’Rielly combined. In short, watching this film and its hitman, I realized just how juicy that particular character composite is, the possibilities afforded to a performer inhabiting somebody with a broken moral compass fascinating to say the least. I won’t mention the name of the film now, as its hitman made the #1 spot, and there’s nine other worthy options to get through before the top choice is revealed. To be in contention on the list, the hitman in question had to be just that: a hitman. Thus, no revenge operators, weekend warriors, or “fixers” were allowed, the entrants below characterized in their respective films specifically as assassins (sorry Michael Caine, “Get Carter” was sweet, but you weren’t a hitman, per se).

Sadly, Marshall Bell’s Webster from “Twins” was excused, for while that guy had the spirit of his character down what with his insistence that nobody saw his face and that human life was cheaper than a gum wrapper, the dude had trouble running down Danny friggin’ DeVito. While I love the guy and what his Frank character has brought to “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia,” if a hitman has a hard time pursuing that troll of a man, he isn’t worthy to shine the shoes of the characters below, let alone stand proudly beside them. Sam Rockwell and Tom Cruise are also missing from the list, the former (”Confessions of a Dangerous Mind”) because his character was a mediocre killer at best, the latter (”Collateral”) because he’s still in timeout due to “Last Samurai”-related atrocities. Spader’s Lee got left out from “2 Days in the Valley” not because he wasn’t pretty damn awesome, but if a hitman can’t even kill is own girlfriend, he needs to go back to the drawing board (the same goes for Malkovich in “In the Line of Fire,” who couldn’t even kill his prey or a 70-year-old Clint Eastwood). As a technicality, all Terminators must likewise be excluded, for be it Arnie, Patrick, or that freaky hand-cannon bitch, all those assassins were machines, hence not technically hitMEN. Also, pretty much any of the women from the “Kill Bill” series would have made it in had the films dedicated more time to exploring just how awesome those broads were in the performance of their duties (not that the I’m judging). Lastly, Timothy Olyphant got left out not because his character wasn’t pretty damn skilled, but because his movie (”Hitman”) completely blew, and for this reason I could not stomach ranking that performance ahead of…

10. Pierce Brosnan in “The Matador” (2005)

Brosnan got a lot of justifiably positive reviews for his turn in this film, his portrayal of a shattered, insecure, broken villain going so far against typecast that his “Julian” operated as a veritable anti-Bond. The turning point for his character was an uncharacteristic moment of hesitation during a routine execution, a long-since discarded scrap of humanity resurfaced at the most inopportune possible moment. What he realized through the course of this film was that he had made a total separation from the ordinary, that he’d abandoned basic human connections and relationships in deference to his craft. Though such a transformation is often a necessary sacrifice when maintaining an international gun-for-hire business, the effects on one’s personal life as portrayed through Julian in The Matador were devastating. Drunk, lonely, and desperate to realize just one legitimate relationship in his life, Brosnan’s character first called what few numbers he had only to realize anybody who knew him was rightly terrified of him and wanted nothing to do with the guy. It then became clear that when strangers got to know him, they too wanted nothing but distance from the increasingly unbalanced assassin, well-intentioned though he may have been. Desperate for a friend, he practically took one hostage, harassing Greg Kinnear’s character “Danny” until an uneasy bond developed between the two men. The meeting and reluctant friendship was ultimately serendipitous, as Julian taught Danny how nasty the world truly was outside of stupid business deals and hotel cocktail lounges. Through Danny, Julian got his edge back, pulling the trigger on a contract after a little help from his new friend, the assistance of whom proved that Julian had indeed gained a shred of humanity through a legitimate connection. True, the bond was ultimately cemented through a joint-effort assassination, yet in Julian the audience got a real-deal, precision killer, albeit one with a few issues that needed ironing out. This is something the next entrant could certainly relate to, a man who went through his own mid-life crisis during the picture…

9. John Cusack in “Grosse Pointe Blank” (1997)

Like the previous hitman, though Cusack’s character in this movie possessed some serious assassination skills, the man was more than a little damaged due to his profession. Funny thing was, his character “Martin” was less concerned about the taxing aspects associated with his job and more about the woman he had stood up ten years earlier. Telling his shrink that if a person met him in a “business” sense, chances are they did something to deserve it, and thus Martin approached it as a professional and never wavered. Courted by a shadowy association of assassins looking to add his considerable chops to their business resume, it’s understandable why the guy was in such demand. Capable of hits at long (bicycle messenger), medium (hotel poison and run-down), and short range (hallway kung fu battle) Cusack’s character knew what the hell he was doing. Maybe his best moment was the climactic house finale, when he took on roughly half a dozen hitters single-handedly, double-fisting semi-automatics, a single frying pan, and big-tube T.V. during the contest. To take this demonstration of killing prowess over, say, the mini-mart gunfight might seem a bit hasty, but remember, Martin didn’t kill anybody during that showdown. True, he scored heavily for getting his ass out in one piece despite an ambush, and extra style points for the fact that the battle took place in a store (soon to explode as a finale) renovated from his childhood home, that the guy proposed at the end of a bloodbath in his beloved’s home has to take the cake. So for that awesome demonstration at the end of the film to save both his life, and his chances of true love, Martin gets a spot.

8. Karl Urban in “The Bourne Supremacy” (2004)

Karl Urban has been getting a lot of great ink (and deservedly so) for his most recent turn as Dr. “Bones” McCoy in the most recent Star Trek re-boot. It was his performance as “Eomir” in the second and third Lord of the Rings films that caught most of the movie-going public’s attention, his tough-as-nails cavalry commander coming through in a pinch more than once to get his ass into the action. It was because of this manly cred. that most sat up and took more than passing glance at the assassin tracking down Jason Bourne in the second installment of the Bourne trilogy, and a familiar looking face that, while evil this time around, still radiated a fourteen pound pair of balls. Showing the audience that he was a force to be reckoned with, the hitman was right on Bourne’s ass in India as the first act got going in The Bourne Supremacy, something that showed the assassin had some serious chops: anybody capable of getting a bead on Bourne not one to be screwed with. Shooting Bourne’s woman during a brisk high-speed chase right before sending the couple’s jeep careening into a river, Kirill understandably figured his foe for dead, pretty much the only mistake he made throughout the picture. Reappearing near the end of the second act to mop up the job, Urban’s character reemerged in Russia, actually managing to put a slug in Bourne before beginning one of the gnarliest high-speed chases ever caught on film. True, Bourne ultimately got the drop on him, and smashed the cock-sucker’s car to pieces, yet something pretty amazing happened after that: Bourne let him live! True, Kirill’s clock looked to be running pretty slow, if not already stopped, when Bourne neglected to give the coup de grace, yet the audience almost got the sense that Bourne respected the guy too much to put him down, his skills and capacities as a hitman too outstanding to waste with a bullet. Though Kirill had killed Jason’s woman when she was sitting right next to him and had fired a bullet into his back, even this couldn’t break the unshakable respect shown between expert killers. While Clive Owen’s hitter in the first installment or even Bourne himself could have easily made it onto this list, to pick one assassin out of the entire trilogy that embodied the steely-eyed precision of government operatives and not select Urban’s “Kirill” would be a crime.

7. Lee Van Cleef in “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” (1966)

Speaking of hard-dick assassins with no remorse and a frightful commitment to their craft, how could Van Cleef’s finest role get neglected? After going against type in For A Few Dollars More, Lee discarded the white protagonist hat for a darker shade, bringing a minimalist approach to a western archetype that had long since veered into near-comic ham-fistery. Showing the audience he was nothing if not professional, he killed “Stevens” at the beginning of the movie even after he’d learned about Carson’s gold, and even ate some of the guy’s dinner. Demonstrating from there that he was nothing if not an asshole, he went ahead and killed the guy who had contracted the Stevens hit, making sure nobody else would be going after a treasure only he had eyes for. Resourceful enough to hook up a non-com gig in the Army in order to facilitate his search, he showed that he was no slouch when it came to his skills, killing or maiming pretty much anybody who got in his way, and a few others that didn’t. As is often the case with special films and performances, what is most striking about Angel Eyes is what wasn’t seen. The audience must assume that since this guy was in position and ready at every turn, always on top of Blondie and Tuco no matter what path they followed, that this guy was one hell of an operator. On Tuco after the encounter with Carson, at the prison camp after he and Blondie had been captured, and appearing pretty much out of the ether at Sad Hill Cemetery, Angel Eyes was a deadly, persistent bastard, killed only because he met a slightly better man.

6. Richard Bright in “The Godfather,” et al 

There’s something to be said about some old-school Sicilian assassination shit, and that’s what you’re getting with Al Neri. To cheat a little and dive into his literary back story, this guy was a dude on the edge in the original novel, a cop prone to whipping the shit out of citizens with his large-handled flashlight. This kind of behavior got him divorced and thrown off the force and into the can, which is right where the Corleones found him. Putting Neri to work as a triggerman for the family, he quickly rose to the designated hitter spot within the ranks, acting as the go-to murderer and bodyguard for Michael after the boy-prodigy’s return from Italy. This is right about where The Godfather film picked up with his character, showing the guy at Michael’s hip after his return to the States, and in a policeman’s uniform gunning down Barzini during the famous baptism scene. In the second installment he rigged a brothel with a dead hooker to lock up Senator Geary’s loyalties early on, then went ahead and shot Fredo in the back of the head on orders. Most impressively, however, the guy had longevity in a business with a fairly short career-path. Still alive and kicking in Godfather III, Neri helped save Michael from helicopter assassins and even chipped in with the murder of an Archbishop at the end. Skilled beyond reproach, reliable, and loyal, this was one hell of a guy to have at the ready, willing to tow the line despite management fluctuations. Indeed, first to pledge his loyalty to Vincent after Michael had handed over power, Al showed that in a profession filled primarily with dickheads (see the previous entrant for evidence there), there were a few choice picks to be had. Indeed, when speaking of old-school sensibilities, and the embrace of a spotlight with little screen-time, how can we pass up…

5. Billy Connolly in “The Boondock Saints” (1999)

Getting in more for his mythic bad-assery and less because of his refined, polished, and flawless skills (hinted at, yet cruelly denied to the audience), dear old dad slips into contention because he perfectly embraced the power of the unknown. In the film, it was said that The Duke was brought in only three times over the course of twenty years, and only because “things were totally fucked.” A go-to man for the mafia, his particular skill involved killing those criminals who were most difficult to dispatch, that which was churned up in his wake seemingly more trouble than he was worth. Beyond this, and other subtle intimations like his handling when getting released from prison in a manner that would make Hannibal Lecter blush, the audience got the sense that this dude meant business in the old-school, Biblical sense. Going absolutely Josey Wales when off his leash, Il Duce went into battle with not just one or two guns, but six! Facing a trio of guys in this stand-off, he came out alive, wounding all three of his prey (a noteworthy achievement considering at least two of those individuals had God-Almighty personally protecting their asses). At the end, he helped engineer a hit against a known Mafioso on trial, successfully moving his crew in and out of an active courtroom while still getting the job leisurely done. What is most impressive, however, is what the man spawned, for truly, this guy had “hitman” coursing through his genes, his progeny as deadly a pair of killers as any that might be found on this list or elsewhere. Composed of a manly back story, admirable skills, a solid blood-line, and a steely resolve, the man certainly cast a long shadow over possible entrants on this list, failing to beat out the remaining characters only because of a shamefully low kill-count. Still, because he made even the scariest men in the film tremble, and because his presence was less associated with a man and more with a force of nature, Il Duce gets a nod.

4. Bruce Willis in “The Jackal” (1997)

This one would have made it higher than even this coveted spot had the assassin in question not been trapped in so shitty a movie. Indeed, while I have nothing against Richard Gere, the man has no business trying to cobble together an Irish accent, just as the director of this disaster, Michael Caton-Jones, has no business making films (his most recent contribution to cinema was Basic Instinct 2). The thing is, this was actually one hell of a slick hitman, Bruce Willis’ “Jackal” demonstrating many of the finest qualities associated with a professional murderer throughout this film. A master of disguise and obfuscation, The Jackal never kept one look for too terribly long, constantly changing his appearance in ways that didn’t just hide the fact that Bruce Willis is bald. Totally committed to his project, The Jackal never hesitated to kill anybody who got in his way. Along with his dismembering of poor Jack Black from over 50 yards out with a mounted automatic cannon, he also tortured a woman liver-shot for no other real reason than to prove he wasn’t to be fucked with. Hired to kill a high-level American personality to avenge the death of a Russian crime boss’ sibling, The Jackal immediately went to work setting up multiple covers in a number of different countries, employing stealth, cunning, savagery, and balls in his quest to take out the First Lady. Asshole that he was for such a move, the film allowed him to get close, ending his run in a subway with a hostage at the end, a confused-looking Richard Gere standing over his foe, almost certainly wondering how a guy who had played “Hudson Hawk” had stolen the best role of the film from him. It’s because he ultimately failed in his task and got smoked that The Jackal didn’t get higher consideration, for while the guy certainly knew his shit when it came to staying under the radar, employing sneaky espionage practices, and constructing sweet-ass machine guns, if a hitman can’t ultimately get the job done, how could one place him higher than say…

3. Jean Reno in “The Professional,” or “Leon” (1994)

You’re going to have to get up pretty early in the morning to get over on this guy, the two entries that beat him out in their respective places on this list not necessarily there because they were better, but because…well, more on that in a bit. With “Leon,” however, you’ve got the consummate professional, hence the title of the 1994 film. Set like a timer into his methodical routines, it is only by staying perfectly tuned and prepared that he achieved success in hit after hit. Though one might argue that the introduction of Matilda into his life brought him just that, a life, what one can’t argue is the steep decline in his job performance after he got a roommate. But while a pinch of humanity and a dash of purpose dulled his skills, they certainly didn’t annihilate them. After eliminating a squad of drug dealers and corrupt cops, he went on to single-handedly take on (and beat) several SWAT teams and “EVERYONE!!!!” associated with law enforcement in his particular neighborhood. Quick on his feet, resourceful, one hell of a shot, and of a perfect mind-set for assassinations (prior to the realization that he had an operational soul, that is) Leon was a tough customer to beat. Yet it’s because the audience got to know Leon so well that he did not achieve truly epic status and consideration. In the next entrant, as well as the last to follow, again, what was most striking and terrifying about the characters was not their actions and what you knew about them, but what they’d done and the seeming lack of purpose both in the murders and those perpetrating them.

2. Toshiro Mifune in “Incident at Blood Pass,”or “Machibuse” (1970)

Mifune was so friggin’ hard in this movie he made granite look like mashed potatoes. His seminal “man with no name” character returned one last time in this film about an elaborate double and triple-cross at a mountain cross-roads during Japan’s Edo period. The film started with Mifune’s familiar Yojimbo character receiving instructions about his next hit, getting orders to simply head to the top of a pass and wait for the action to come to him (he and the audience never have any doubt that it would). From here, Mifune’s character got caught in a series of intrigues at a small inn and tea house, cautiously surveying a situation that was slowly spiraling out of control. At first thought to be there in order to help hijack a gold shipment, Mifune’s Ronin character realized he’d been inserted into the drama to help facilitate a sneaky back-stab, his honor as a samurai put into question as a result. Totally confident, in control, and capable of slicing everybody he encountered into pieces small enough to fit through the top of a salt shaker, his hitman ultimately sacrificed duty for honor, protecting the innocent at the betrayal of his employer. What followed was a revenge-inspired finale whereby Mifune’s samurai character clean-cut and diced almost half a dozen guys in the course of maybe sixty seconds. What is most striking about this action was that it was withheld from the audience until the last few minutes of the film, Mifune’s very presence, stature, and posture throughout the previous 100 or so minutes inspiring all around him to stay the hell away. Indeed, there’s something to be said about a hitman who is so goddamned tough that his or her mere presence alludes to a danger lurking not far beneath the surface, everyone around them giving a wide berth without being told to. Without guns, arrows, explosives, disguises, or any real attempt to hide what he was, this Yojimbo character still got his job done (well, sorta, he did kill a whole bunch of fools), kicking ass, taking names, and looking as cool as shit in the process. While pretty damn awesome, he just barely missed out on the #1 spot, something reserved for the character who inspired a list (and some nightmares …)

1. Javier Bardem in “No Country For Old Men” (2007)

After the Oscars, all the critical acclaim, the box office revenues, and the positive word of mouth, it seems almost trite to heap another log on this film’s fire. Much has already been said about Mr. Bardem’s terrifying performance as “Anton Chigurh,” Roger Ebert perhaps getting the closest when he said that everybody else in the movie simply operated as a conditional reaction to Bardem’s character. Indeed, Chigurh’s disposition was such that everybody in his universe bent because of his presence, the innocent and guilty often falling victim to his principled reality simply because they were unlucky enough to cross his path. In Chigurh’s signature prop, the coin, this was represented most clearly, for be it a gas station attendant, highway patrolman, or marked contract in possession of $2 million in drug money: if you were face to face with this guy, he assumed you were just as likely to die as to live. Having unconditionally embraced his station in life, Chigurh operated in a manner that allowed for the least amount of confusion. Being a killer, if you met him, fate would have it that you should die. Being a killer, if you met him and you had in any way pissed him off or lined yourself up so that he was after you, then you would, without any question, die. As Bardem’s character explained to Harrelson’s, while he was often told “you don’t have to do this” when staring down his prey, to the shadowy assassin, nothing could be further from the truth. A killer in the most pure and honest sense of the word, the situation was quite the opposite: when about to pounce on his victim he did “have” to do it. Lions roar, monkeys throw shit, dogs bark and killers kill. Almost mythically endowed with talent and a skill to seemingly slink out of a tight spot via the shadows, Chigurh was not only an impossible-to-shake hitman, but the most honest, pure, undiluted assassin on this list or in film history. Totally committed to his purpose in life to the point that he felt compelled to kill nearly everybody fate threw in his path, the man came full circle, going from human, to monster, and back to human again, his brain void of reasoning beyond that which was needed to pull a trigger or flip a coin.

Tags: best, coolest, film, hitmen, list, movie, movies, ten, top, TOP 10 MOVIE HITMEN, top ten

Most of our screening contests give you passes to an advance showing of a film, but the pass only guarantees you a place in line, not a seat. Some of these early showings sell out.

Well, we have 4 pairs of reserved seats (for the “New Moon” 7:30pm screening at AMC Barrywoods 24 on November 18) and prize packs including a DVD, CD, and case of VitaminWater for four lucky winners, to be chosen at random.

That’s right. No waiting in line, no getting there an hour and a half early. Reserved seats.

The catch? We at Scene-Stealers want to make sure we are drawing from a pool of potential winners that are true fans of the “Twilight” books and movies.

That means you gotta answer some trivia questions.

You didn’t think we were going to let you off that easy, did you?

Answer these five questions correctly, fill out the form below, and you are entered to win:

One reserved pair of tickets to the “The Twilight Saga: New Moon” 7:30pm screening at AMC Barrywoods 24 on November 18.

One “Twilight” DVD

One CD soundtrack to “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

One  poster of “The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

One case of VitaminWater Sync

Good luck!

UPDATE: WINNERS WILL BE DRAWN MONDAY!

Tags: advance, CD, contest, dvd, early, free, giveaway, kansas city, movie, new moon, passes, saga, screening, twilight

Even if you haven’t seen a movie about psychic Jedi warriors in the United States Army who kill goats with their mind, you may come out of “The Men Who Stare at Goats” thinking that you’ve seen a lot of it before.

George Clooney stars in this adaptation of Jon Ronson’s non-fiction book and Grant Heslov, his producing/writing partner from “Good Night and Good Luck,” takes the director’s chair for the first time. Where Clooney exhibited measured control directing “Good Night,” though, Heslov is all over the map with “Goats.”

The movie can’t quite make up its mind about what it wants to be: a silly farce, a character drama, a military satire, a supernatural story, or the personal journey of a humiliated cuckold. This wouldn’t be a problem if it did all of things well and found a through-line, but “The Men Who Stare at Goats” doesn’t do that. Instead, it’s a random string of gags and scenes (some that work well, some that don’t) that all somehow ring familiar. What the film is lucky to have is an excellent cast that seems game for anything.

The cuckold’s tale

Ewan McGregor plays Bob Wilton, the reporter who stumbles onto the story of the First Earth Battalion around the same time his wife leaves him for a one-armed man. His discoveries about a New Age branch of the Army headed by long-haired Vietnam vet Bill Django (Jeff Bridges) should be enough to get him interested, but instead it’s being dumped that gets him to Iraq, talking quite coincidentally to Django’s star pupil, Lyn Cassady (Clooney). His backstory seems forced from the get-go, but when the absurdities of the situation start piling up, it’s easier to forgive.

Silly farce

From there, the movie has a lot of fun filling in the details of this psi-ops Army division. Few actors today can do furious deadpan delivery like Clooney, but some of the stuff he has to convey is so preposterous that when the film asks you to believe in its characters, it’s just impossible. The exception: Bridges is quite sympathetic as a man who’s faith and hope are always teetering on collapse. On the level of farce, however, the film works for a good hour or so.

Military satire

The suggestion that the Army would pursue psychic exploration—and put up with a flower-carrying troop that stands for everything contrary to Army policy—for the sole reason of weaponizing it, is pretty funny. Screenwriter Peter Straughan gets a lot of mileage out of the notion, hoisting awkward notions of peace right up there against men in military outfits who start behaving strangely. But just when the movie feels as if it ought to be getting somewhere comes the sad realization that it has actually begun to wind down.

Character drama?

When all the characters from this flashback-riddled and disjointed movie finally converge, it’s the biggest letdown of the film. All the possibilities that the script hinted at earlier are unwisely scuttled for a lame escape attempt with no real consequence or purpose. It’s hard to get involved in the characters’ plight, especially when the road that they take is so arbitrary all of a sudden.

Supernatural story

Kevin Spacey plays a career-minded psychic warrior who brings unwanted change into the New Earth Army and therefore confirms our suspicions that all of this mind-literally-over-matter stuff is hogwash. Or is it? “The Men Who Stare at Goats” has an unconvincing and unfunny ending that wants to have it both ways, but just comes off as pandering.

The movie is uneven for sure and ludicrous in conceit, but that’s not to say that it isn’t entertaining at times. McGregor is saddled with a tiresome everyman role, but Spacey, Clooney, and especially Bridges make some of their scenes work better than they should. If only Heslov had been able to make a cohesive film out it …

Tags: 2009, clooney, film, goats, movie, movie review, review, The Men Who Stare at Goats

Here’s a post about the validity of the film’s “documentary footage” and true story claim. Review below.

Milla Jovovich, bathed in white light, steps into the foreground. As the camera circles her and abruptly changes angles, the actress delivers a spiel about the film’s production, its authenticity, our freedom to draw our own conclusions, and she wraps things up with the caveat that “some of what [we]’re about to see is disturbing.”

If you start things off with a proclamation like that, you’d better have the goods to back it up.

Set in a small town in northern Alaska in October 2000, the movie purports to use real video and audio from various interviews conducted by Dr. Abbey Tyler with several of her patients who were experiencing alien encounters in conjunction with dramatizations of those interviews and events. With that premise, one would think having convincing documentary footage would be the logical place to start. One would be wrong.

Right off the bat, “The Fourth Kind” can’t get its act together. The footage that kicks off the actual feature is of Dr. Tyler being interviewed by the film’s director, Olatunde Osunsanmi, and it’s so awkward and obviously scripted that the immediate effect is incredulity.

This persists throughout the entire film. None of the footage is convincing and the insinuation that it’s authentic becomes insulting. It doesn’t do itself any favors when it goes into split screen, either, showing the dramatized action alongside its allegedly real counterpart, often revealing the former to be more startling.

With that crippling problem set aside, Jovovich, playing Dr. Tyler, turns in a surprisingly decent performance. She’s convincing as a woman grieving the death of her husband while juggling motherhood and her duties as a psychologist.

Elias Koteas is good, too, as her visiting colleague who champions hard evidence, the scientific method and…yet…denies the validity of his own extraterrestrial encounter later on in the film.

And Hakeem Kae-Kazim as Dr. Awolowa Odusami (said to be an alias), a scholar of ancient languages, provided the film’s one sincere moment of intrigue and disturbance when he discussed the relationship between aliens and ancient Sumeria.

But then we have Will Patton as Sheriff August (another alias) who brings things to a screeching halt with his self-aware, arbitrarily hostile and unreasonable antics which make no sense and do further damage to the credibility the film so desperately needs.

He acts the way only a character in a bad movie would: ignoring evidence, making hasty, irrational decisions that negatively affect just about everyone, withholding basic information about Tyler’s husband’s death without purpose. Did Osunsanmi honestly think we wouldn’t find his character insufferable?

If for nothing else, the film fails by not living up to its own hefty proclamation. It isn’t scary in the slightest. The interviews seem fake and so much of the action borrows from “The Exorcist” and other possession films that it’s laughable. The scares that do occur are simply surprises and couldn’t haunt you if they wanted to.

I have a friend who’s never watched “E.T.” all the way through because he’s terrified of aliens. Just the other day, he was whining to me about being bullied into seeing “Signs” in theaters and how it nearly ruined his life. This wouldn’t faze him.

Tags: 2009, abduction, alaska, Alien, fourth, fourth kind, kind, movie, movie review, review

Mira Nair’s biopic of groundbreaking aviator Amelia Earhart has many components working in its favor. It’s got Oscar-winner Hilary Swank in the title role, supporting performances from Richard Gere and Ewan McGregor, cinematography that ranges from elegant to breathtaking, and a really thorough sense of time and place. And yet it never quite pulls itself together.

The film is competent and solid but there’s little consequence. It suffers from the same problem Michael Mann’s “Public Enemies” did earlier this year, in that it exchanges what could have been a gripping examination of an historical figure for a stylistic retelling of key events in said figure’s life.

While the level of detachment in “Public Enemies” was reasonable considering its central character’s line of work and its director’s brand of storytelling, “Amelia” lacks these excuses and unwisely keeps the viewer at arm’s length.

The screenplay (by Ron Bass and Anna Hamilton Phelan) glosses over the entire formative period of Earhart’s life and tries to compensate for this by giving us poetic tidbits about the glory of flight in Swank’s voice-over narration. This isn’t wholly ineffective, but it’s a far cry from the resonance that would’ve been added had Nair and her writers shown us the development of Earhart’s passion for aeronautics from its infancy to its fullest realization.

What keeps things emotionally afloat is Amelia’s romance with George Putnam (Gere). It’s an honest, loving, imperfect relationship and while their exchanges as written are never anything profound, the two actors are good enough to smooth things over with a lot of sincerity. That’s not to say the dialogue is jarringly awful; it’s just somewhat stilted at times. Ewan McGregor has a nice turn as Eugene Vidal, the West Point pilot instructor with whom Earhart had a small affair - the details of which are left fairly ambiguous and whose repercussions are almost void.

Stuart Dryburgh’s cinematography is actually really impressive, capturing transcendent aerial views of planes immersed in cloudscapes hovering over mountain ranges and beneath the expanse of the firmament, but it’s hard to tell how much of that is justly attributable to him and not the art, special effects and visual effects departments. There’s a nice variety to the ground visuals, though, as Earhart travels around the globe, flying above jungles and deserts and sojourning in various locations.

All in all, the technical excellence of the film doesn’t serve a greater emotional purpose. The performances are strong, the relationships are well established, and the filmmaking itself is pretty impressive.

But I never really got to know Amelia. She mentions her father’s alcoholism in passing and we can infer that this stimulates her fervent desire to escape in some way, but it’s not enough to justify what was ultimately a self-destructive way of life. Because of this disconnect, we are only impacted by Amelia’s fate vicariously through her husband, George Putnam, and never on our own terms.

For a film that has little problem with sentimentality, it should’ve dug deeper in its story and relied less on sweeping orchestrations to affect its audience.

Tags: 2009, amelia, amelia movie review, film, movie, review

I’m pretty sure Ed Wood would have loved “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant“. Messy, flawed, riddled with odd choices and questionable casting, and stuck with a plot that make less sense as it progresses, The Vampire’s Assistant is in every way a B-movie. And, I’ll admit, I kinda liked it.

Based on a series of novels by Darren Shan, the film’s main plot revolves around a rather bland high school student, Darren (Chris Massoglia), and his more rambunctious best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson), whose main purpose it seems is to get Darren into as much trouble as possible.

A night out takes the pair to a freak show where events unfold that lead Darren into an agreement with vampire Larten Crepsley (John C. Reilly) in order to save his friend. Leaving behind his life, Darren becomes part vampire, and begins his new life in the Cirque du Freak as Crepsley’s assistant.

There’s quite a bit else that occurs in the movie concerning Darren, Steve, the mysterious Mr. Tiny (Michael Cerveris), the war between vampires (those who feed on but don’t kill humans) and the vampanese (those who, well, leave bloody messes in their wake). Not all of it makes sense, in fact much of it seems little more than convoluted nonsense to keep the story moving to its final big showdown.

When the film attempts to try and make sense of its plot, it fails spectacularly. However, when the film lets Darren’s story unfold as he discovers the new world around him … well, it doesn’t quite succeed, but it puts on a good show.

I also found the script’s rather flippant take on vampire lore amusing. “Can I turn into a bat?” Darren asks, “No, that’s bullshit.” his new mentor replies. Realizing that the material they’re working with isn’t exactly Shakespeare, no one takes things too seriously. The result is an amusing little train wreck that doesn’t leave too much carnage in its wake.

Although the main role of Darren is hopelessly miscast (and the best friend isn’t that much better) there are some nice supporting performances. Reilly is fun to watch as something far removed from your average movie vampire, and Salma Hayek works quite well as his bearded lady girlfriend (even if the part did remind me a little too much of HBO’s “Carnivale”).

Patrick Fugit is near unrecognizable as Snake Boy, and, although her character isn’t handled as well as I’d like, Jessica Carlson adds a little spark to the second half of the film.

“Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is deeply flawed. The film is a mess and certainly not for everyone. And even if it doesn’t make a helluva lot of sense, it didn’t bore me (an offense I’d be much less willing to forgive). The right audience–and you know who you are–should be able to find a hour or two of enjoyment out of this strange little movie. Just keep your expectations low and think of Ed Wood before the titles start to roll.

Tags: Cirque du Freak movie review, Cirque du Freak review, film, movie, review, the vampire's assistant movie review, the vampire's assistant review, vampire, vampire's assistant