Our Top 10 today is a very specific and quite unusual one. It comes to us from Scene-Stealers sitegoer and Moviefreak.com contributor George Schmidt, who has a thing for larger-than-life women, and it sounds like these lasses are responsible for more than one important moment in his life. If you have a Top 10 of your own you’d like to submit, email me at eric@scene-stealers.com. Until then, enjoy George’s towering list of Top 10 Sexiest Cinematic Giantesses. Here’s George:

What is missing from today’s cinema? Two words: giant women. Or specifically, giantess films. Sure science fiction has offered a few memorable moments for the silver screen in the past, but it’s been a dearth of the sexy subgenre. What is it about large ladies (and for the record, I don’t mean heavy women; that’s another category altogether) that is so appealing? Is it the domination of a sexy woman in little (or no) clothing as a pure wet-dream fantasy? The powerful status of a woman literally towering above all of her domain? Or simply the guilty pleasure of seeing tiny men with ginormous babes?

There’s a fetish as well (some more for ‘vore’: violence/gore factors, while the main strain seems to be ‘gentle’ ; I vote for the latter). Would it kill the powers to be to come up with some giant women films? There’s a plethora of lovely women I’d love to see on the ‘big’ screen (Famke Janssen, Gina Gershon, Elisabeth Shue, Angelina Jolie, Parker Posey…well, the list goes on and on, and I’m sure many out there have their faves. If not, this list should help you start mulling it over!) There’ve been so many adaptations of TV shows lately, so when are they going to do a film version of “Land of the Giants” with say any number of MTV generation babes ballooned up to Brobdingnagian heights? The only film I know on the immediate horizon featuring a giantess is the upcoming animated film “Monsters vs. Aliens,” which is probably fun for the whole family. It’s a send-up of ‘50s sci-fi creature features with Reese Witherspoon voicing the young large lady. Anyway, here are my ten picks and reasons why. (Note: sadly some are only onscreen for a few moments and not an entire full length film. Hollywood get with the program!)

10. Marcia Strassman - “Honey, I Blew Up the Kid” (1992)

This inevitable sequel to the 1989 Disney hit “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” continues the geeky adventures of intrepid scientist nerd Wayne Szalinski (‘80s gorgon Rick Moranis) whose latest endeavor has accidentally caused his toddler to become a big kid on the block. In the film’s climax, Strassman takes matters into her own hand when her youngest is threatened by the military. She zooms up to several hundred feet high (guesstimate: 200-foot mad mama) and scoops up the helicopter that’s aiming for her son with a firm “Back off!” It’s too bad Wayne didn’t think of it earlier. See clip:

9. Elizabeth Hurley – “Bedazzled” (2000)

“Bedazzled” is a middling remake of the seminal 1967 British comedy that teamed Dudley Moore and Peter Cook—a Faustian tale about a noodnik (Brendan Fraser) with bad luck who makes a deal with the devil. The remake, however, gets a decidedly 21st century upgrade: the devil is in a red dress and in the comely form of Elizabeth Hurley. When the beleaguered Fraser attempts to get out of his otherworldly contract of fate, it only makes Satan steamed. In one brief, but memorable moment, Ms. Hurley gets her ya-yas out in anger in the form of what I can only term “sudden giantess”. Oh, if Fraser only desired to get into Satan herself! See clip: (begins @ 3:24) Sorry about the music—couldn’t find any clips with the dialogue!

8. Jodi Ann Paterson –“Dude, Where’s My Car?” (2000)

At the “climax” of this idiotic ode to stupidity (see redundancy), a gaggle of sexy aliens who are involved with some ridiculous scheme become so enraged with Seann William Scott and Ashton Kutcher’s slacker morons that they merge into one “Super Hot Giant Alien” (played by former Playboy Playmate of the Year Paterson). The morphing results in a brief rampage at an arcade and a scene where she steps over a middle-aged father and his young son gazing at the wonder above them, which results in this exchange:

Birthday Son: I want to go on that ride, Daddy.
Birthday Father: Me, too, Son. Me, too.

7. Dorothy Ford – “Jack and the Beanstalk” (1952)

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello’s mildly amusing family film of the storybook classic casts Lou as Jack, told in fantasy-dream state, who is greeted at the top of the beanstalk’s cloudy environs by Polly (Amazonian Ford). She is the Giant’s main squeeze, but obviously wants nothing to do with the big lout and instead takes a liking to chubby Costello, including this pas de deux:

6. Heidi Klum – “Ella Enchanted” (2004)

In this fractured fairy tale, Anne Hathaway is a Cinderella-type gal who encounters many storybook characters including a gaggle of giants. One of them is the German supermodel Heidi Klum, who is considerably taller than she appears on “Project Runway.” She becomes the object of affection of one of Hathaway’s friends and she gets a hold of more than his heart as shown in this clip (:35 and :55):

5. Anita Ekberg –“Boccacio ‘70” (1962)

“Boccacio ‘70” is a compendium of vignettes from famous Italian filmmakers, including Federico Fellini, who allows his love of gargantuan gals take the shapely form of his muse Ekberg (“La Dolce Vita”). She is depicted here as a threat to society—or so the persnickety Dr. Antonio believes. When her image on a billboard endorsing milk comes to life in the form of a 100-foot goddess, she bedevils the prudish ass by playfully chasing him in the dead of night, eventually scooping him up to her mammoth chest. The metaphor of motherhood has never been so obvious. Got Milk indeed! See clip:

4. J.J. North & Tammy Parks – “Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds” (1995)

This schlocky send-up of ‘50s B-movies-cum-sexploitation flick made on the cheap is best seen on late-night cable TV. North and Parks are a pair of competitive models who want to increase the size of their breasts but instead become large lovelies. The result? Lots of painful puns and mediocre F/X. Ahmet and Dweezil Zappa explain their love for the movie in this series of clips, featuring plenty of movie moments—enough for you to get the picture:

3. Dorothy Provine – “The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock” (1959)

Previously mentioned funnyman Lou Costello made only one film after his split with fellow icon Bud Abbott, and sadly didn’t live to see its release (he died five months prior after a heart attack from a bout of rheumatic fever). The movie is a high (pun intended)-concept-sci-fi romcom about a ne’er-do-well rubbish-collector-turned-inventor whose fiancée Emmy Lou (girl-next-door type Provine) is accidentally exposed to a mysterious fogbank in the local park. That spurts her to become the titular character (yes the couple do in fact get hitched, but as you can imagine the honeymoon doesn’t go as planned!). Provine is fetching in a modified toga with a statuesque physique, underlined with a small, lovely voice that is only enhanced when she is displeased—as you can well imagin—at her newfound predicament. This film so needs a remake; say, Eva Mendes and Jack Black? “Heeyyyyyyyyyy Abbbotttttt!!!!!” See clip below:

2. Allison Hayes/Daryl Hannah - “Attack of The 50 Foot Woman” (1958/1993)

Perhaps the grandmamma of all giantess films (well, at least in 1958, the first) is this tall tale about boozy heiress Nancy Archer (Hayes in the original, Hannah in the re-imagining) whose close encounter with a UFO causes her to inexplicably shoot up to 50 feet. Both films have the title character’s unfaithful husband getting his comeuppance (the first one proves fatal, while the ‘93 version gets only a life lesson, in its neo-feminist treatise spin). Hayes’ iconic bedsheet-bikini-clad behemoth was what awakened yours truly sexually, and started my appreciation of the giantess genre in general. While the ‘58 cult classic is a truly laughable exercise in Ed Wood-ian style over substance (Dig that ridiculous Plaster of Paris/paper mache hand and the transparent giants looming on the horizons!), the film is now revered as one of the most recognizable sci-fi titles. And, that poster: First of all, she’s about 200 feet tall and it is now considered post-ironic artistry. (I have a framed reproduction myself.) So much for the hyped “attack,” which only occurs in the final few moments of epic mediocrity—one trashed mansion, hotel bedroom, a town bar, amd just two fatalities. (The hussy her hubby was seeing gets hit by a beam and the adulterer is crushed to death in the palm of his betrothed. The shaking rag doll with a terrified voiceover is truly hypnotic!) 1958 version:

As for the newer movie, Hannah’s makeover after her cosmic venture is borderline ridiculous (she looks like a refugee from the Pat Benatar “Love is A Battlefield” music video), but the forced perspective F/X are pretty impressive. Extra bonus fact: The movie was directed by comedy genius Christopher Guest. 1993 version:

1. Joy Harmon – “Village of the Giants” (1965)

The alpha and omega of giantess films: This sci-fi teen romp is about a pack of out-of-town joyriding teens led by Beau Bridges (!) that wind up in a small town after crashing their car in a rain storm. They stumble upon the resident “genius” (Ronnie Howard –Opie!) who has created a growth goo that they abscond in a fracas with the townies’ teens. After ingesting the orange slab of gunk, the teens grow 30 feet tall and proceed to take over the town—after doing some groovy dancing of course. Harmon’s Merrie (great moniker for a somewhat gentle, mischief-making giantess) is the standout from not one, not two, but four giant babes!! Her ample bodice is put on full display lovingly by schlockmeister Bert I. Gordon (Read initials as BIG—he also helmed giant films “The Cyclops”, “The Amazing Colossal Man,” and its sequel “War of the Colossal Beast.” He also directed gi-ANT sci-fi flick “Empire of the Ants” and “Food of the Gods” which was a remake of “Ants” (!!!!), based ever-so-loosely on H.G. Wells’ novel (!!!!!) ). Harmon’s dance with “The Rifleman”’s Johnny Crawford is an iconic moment, as the tiny guy hangs from her swaying cleavage (see clips below). This is almost as great as the climactic showdown with her chest. This movie is truly memorable and a remake is so damn necessary (take your pick of any number of CW-worthy hotties or even a Jessica Alba/Jessica Biel /Jaime Pressly combo!). In summation, two words: Joy Harmon. Truly ginormous hottie!
**one last bit of trivia: Ms. Harmon was the wet-dream gal of George Kennedy, washing her car ever-so-suggestively in “Cool Hand Luke” (1968) and she is currently an owner of a bakery in California. Dance sequence:

Climactic cleavage reunion:

Tags: 10, 50, attack, Cinematic, foot, giant, Giantesses, huge, large, lovely, Sexiest, sexy, ten, top, Top 10 Sexiest Cinematic Giantesses, woman, women

Whether its guys in big rubber suits, stop-motion camera trickery, or computer generated effects, there is something exciting, terrifying, and sometimes unintentionally hilarious about movies that feature a giant monster let loose in a major urban city. With the much-anticipated release of this weekend’s “Cloverfield,” I take a look back at ten of the best in the very specific “giant monster attacks” genre. For variety’s sake, I haven’t concentrated solely on the Japanese kaiju films, which are certainly the dominant type of movie in this limited field. Also, for variety’s sake, I have removed all “Jurassic Park” movies and decided that the monsters need not attack only modern cities. Enjoy! Links to related lists: Top 10 Scariest Movie Themes, Top 10 Overlooked Scary Movies, Top 10 Movie-Inspired Halloween Costumes, Top 10 Slapstick Horror Movies, Top 10 Movie Monsters

10. Gammera the Invincible aka Daikaiju Gamera (1965)

What in the world could be more frightening (or stupefying) than a giant fire-breathing turtle with tusk-like incisors that can hide inside its body and shoot sparks out its side, spinning like a flying saucer? Cold war tensions between the U.S. and the Soviet Union cause an American bomber to hastily shoot down a Russian bomber carrying hydrogen bombs. The impact awakens Gamera (as his name was spelled in all but the U.S. version of this first movie), a gigantic turtle that had been frozen in ice since prehistoric times. Guess where he’s headed? If you said Tokyo, you’re right on. The catch is—and this always made me like Gamera the best as a kid—he’s got a soft spot for children. As he destroys everything else in his path, he takes time to spare the little ones. This film was Daiei Studios’ challenge to Toho’s, which had a virtual monopoly on kaiju giant-monster movies, and was very successful, spawning scores of sequels. In one scene, as an inside joke, Gamera even destroys the New Toho Theater. In America, Brian Donlevy and Albert Dekker were added a year later, along with some of the requisite bad dubbing. (Watch the U.S. trailer here.)

9. Clash of the Titans (1981)

Stop-motion animation legend Ray Harryhausen was called in as the head of special effects for this Greek mythology-inspired headscratcher, and it would prove to be his last film in that role. Unfortunately for him, his throwback creations, like the evil, snake-haired, glowing-eyed Medusa, were onscreen way too little to make room for Perseus—the most bland and unconvincing hero ever—played by Harry Hamlin (“L.A. Law”). Laurence Olivier is also on board as Zeus. As awesome and creatively animated as the gorgon Medusa and the winged horse Pegasus were, the only thing that qualifies this movie as a giant-monster film is the finale. The Kraken, a giant sea monster, rises from the sea demanding a virgin sacrifice. Andromeda is just moments away from a violent death at the beast when—well, you can guess, I suppose. As lame as Hamlin was in the role, it’s still an exciting climax to an overly-long movie that was smart enough to utilize Harryhausen and thus is fondly remembered by many. A remake is scheduled for 2010, with Stephen Norrington (“The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”) directing. Ugh. (Watch the Kraken.)

Calibos: Release the Kraken!

8. Them! (1954)

Atomic paranoia was alive and well in America, what with all the testing in the Nevada desert, so is it any wonder that the radiation would cause a group of ants to grow to gigantic proportions and terrorize the citizens of the rural West? The ants keep getting bigger and bigger until they eventually overrun an ocean freighter and set up a nest in the Los Angeles sewer system. Despite its ridiculous premise (aren’t they all?), “Them!” actually has some fairly tense moments, as it gradually develops its unreal situation. Not to mention the fact that for its time, the special effects were pretty damned impressive. This movie used to be a Saturday or Sunday afternoon staple when I was growing up and it wasn’t yet old enough to be looked back on nostalgically. Even now, the efficient black-and-white giant-monster pic stubbornly refuses to not be taken seriously as science fiction, and credible turns by James Arness (“The Thing From Another World”) and James Whitmore (“The Shawshank Redemption”) help to keep audiences focused on the thrills. (The entire film is here, but it looks terrible.)

Dr. Harold Medford: When Man entered the atomic age, he opened a door into a new world. What he eventually finds in that new world, nobody can predict.

7. Ghostbusters (1984)

Okay, I know this is technically not a giant monster movie, but the huge Stay Puft Marshmallow Man that rumbles through the New York City skyline is so iconic that one of the Web’s most popular mash-ups of late features that same timeless personage inserted onto the “Cloverfield” trailer. When the ancient Sumerian God Gozer the Gozerian asks what form the Ghostbusters would like their destructor to take, Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) immediately thinks of the one thing that could never hurt anyone— the fictitious Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Our fearless heroes eventually must break the rules and cross streams (”huh uh huh hu huh…you said streams”) to defeat the smiling maniacal sugar-fiend, causing a total protonic reversal and saving the day. The unfortunate side effect? His destruction rains down a mass of white, sticky goo all over the city. When I was a kid, I thought the Stay Puft marshmallow man was real and immediately wanted to find and eat some of his gooey treats. McDonald’s eventually featured him on some of their Happy Meals, and Kenner released some toys, but it was still a letdown to find out that he was entirely a creation of the “Ghostbusters” script.

Gozer: The Choice is made! The Traveller has come!
Peter Venkman: Nobody choosed anything! Did you choose anything?
Egon Spengler: No.
Peter Venkman: [to Winston] Did YOU?
Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.
Peter Venkman: I didn’t choose anything…
Ray Stantz: I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.

6. Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster aka Gojira tai Hedorâ (1971)

Out of all the Godzilla sequels and spawns, I’ve chosen this insane little oddity because it shows how far off the rails the series had gotten 17 years later. By now, of course, Godzilla was no longer the villain, but the hero of Tokyo. This film is an awful monster movie in the generally accepted sense, but wow, what a steaming pile of crap it is! Literally. Hedorâ, the smog monster, is a brown, corny steaming pile of pollution that grows larger every second until it splits into smaller crap-monsters, secretes a bunch of toxic acid, and hits the skies for a full-on attack on Mt. Fuji. If there ever was a psychedelic Godzilla movie, this is it (about four years after the craze hit America, of course). There are all kinds of colorful kaleidoscopic camera effects and a bunch of hip Japanese youngsters (who turn into drugged-out, lizard mask-wearing youngsters for a brief acid-tinged moment) signing an unintentionally hilarious eco-awareness song titled “Save the Earth” (watch video here) (”Animals, God’s animals/Don’t go away, don’t go/The sea has cobalt, it’s full of mercury/Too many fumes in our oxygen/All the smog now is choking you and me/Good Lord, where is it gonna end?/We’re movin’, we’re movin’, movin’ to the Moon now “). Somewhere across the ocean, an American Indian chief cried a solitary tear for the tainted legacy of poor Godzilla.

Yukio Keuchi: There’s no place else to go and pretty soon we’ll all be dead, so forget it! Enjoy yourself! Let’s sing and dance while we can! Come on, blow your mind!

Dr. Yano: It probably came from a sticky, dark planet far, far away. Now go to sleep.

5. Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)

The Aztec god Quetzalcoatl takes flight in New York City as a giant flying dragon in this freakish low-budget monster movie from writer/director/B-movie impresario Larry Cohen (”God Told Me To”). Instead of a typical heroic figure, Cohen gives us a shifty, neurotic crook named Quinn (played by Michael Moriarty from “Law and Order”) for a protagonist. What starts out as a police procedural featuring some ritualistic cult murders (people being skinned alive; pretty standard by today’s “CSI” standards) turns into to something even more bizarre—a noirish character study about a low-rung criminal who yearns to be a jazz pianist (Moriarty himself composed two of the film’s piano pieces). Quinn, being the upstanding citizen that he is, tries to extort money and a pardon from the city’s representatives for information on where the creature has laid his egg. Meanwhile, the giant stop-motion animated lizard bites the heads off of unfortunate New Yorkers for lunch. Eventually, everything leads to an all-out military attack on the Chrysler Building. David Carradine (”Kill Bill”), Richard Roundtree (”Shaft”), and Candy Clark (”American Graffiti”) round out an impressive B-movie cast. (Watch Q go fishing.) or (Turn down the sound and watch all the best attacks from the movie here.)

Jimmy Quinn: Stick it in your brain. Your tiny little brain!

Jimmy Quinn: Eat ‘em! Eat ‘em! Crunch crunch!

4. The Host aka Gwoemul (2007)

Taking a page from the social commentary of “Godzilla,” this South Korean creature feature from last year (released in 2006 in its home country) uses a ferocious mutated tadpole as a stand-in for the constant presence of U.S. military forces. Writer/director Bong Joon-ho mixes the quirky family road trip picture with the giant monster picture and comes up with a potent movie with unusual laughs, real emotion, and a biting attitude. An ugly American officer pours toxic formaldehyde into a river because they are “too dusty,” and after U.S. officials take control of the contaminated area, it turns out everything our scientists say about the virus is wrong. What’s worse, an American chemical weapon called Agent Yellow (again, not very subtle) is eventually used. “The Host” saves some venom for the South Korean government as well, however. Like the family portrayed in the film, they are a pretty inept and idiotic bunch altogether. The only thing worth counting on, it turns out, is family. Modern CGI is integrated seamlessly into the movie, and the monster’s first rampage down the riverbanks is impressively staged. A lull somewhere near the middle of the movie can’t stop “The Host” from being the best (and most intentionally funny) original giant monster movie in ages. (Watch the U.S. trailer here.)

3. Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

More terrific Greek mythology stop-motion creations from Ray Harryhausen populate this fantasy/action/adventure film that’s sparsely populated by interminable to tolerable acting. An heir to the throne of Thessaly named Jason (a bearded and overdubbed Todd Armstrong) searches for the Golden Fleece to the amusement of the Gods at Mount Olympus. Along the way, he encounters some of master animator Harryhausen’s greatest creations. Jason is memorably plagued by winged female spirits known as harpies and a huge army of skeletons, but it’s Talos, the giant statue-come-to-life, and the impressively-animated seven-headed hydra that make this a kick ass giant-monster movie. “Jason and the Argonauts” took nearly two years to complete and, at a cost of $3 million dollars, it was the most expensive production for the Harryhausen up to that point. (Watch Talos come to life here.)

Zeus: For the moment, let them enjoy a calm sea, a fresh breeze and each other. The girl is pretty and I am always sentimental. But for Jason, there are other adventures. I have not finished with Jason. Let us continue the game another day.

2. King Kong (1933) (2005)

Yes, it is a cheat to include both the groundbreaking original and Peter Jackson’s epic remake together on this list, but I wanted to save room for other films. From Max Steiner’s score to Willis O’Briens’ amazing stop motion animation to detailed miniature sets to lifelike rear projection to its scenes of brutal, shocking violence, the 1933 “King Kong” is a true classic. Some scenes were so controversial that, upon its reissue in 1938, the Hays production code cut them out. The double-disc DVD from two years back features a beautifully-restored version of the original, and Jackson’s special effects team meticulously restoring a famous lost spider pit scene with old SFX techniques. There may be a lot of clunky dialogue (lovingly lampooned by Jackson in his remake), but the primeval primate still reigns supreme. In 2005, (we don’t talk about the 1976 version) Jackson amped up everything from running time to production value to super-extended action scenes, and somehow even managed to make the “love story” more convincing. In both pictures, the final scenes are desperate, tragic affairs that give the whole story its resonance. (Watch a modern remix of the 1933 trailer.)

Police Lieutenant: Well, Denham, the airplanes got him.
Carl Denham: Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast.

1. Godzilla aka Gojira (1954)

Toho Studios brought the most famous giant monster in the world (The King of the Monsters) to the big screen with this infamous movie, directed by Ishiro Honda. The original black-and-white film, recently restored on DVD, is a powerful allegory for the post-atomic devastation that Japan suffered at the end of World War II. All of the original film’s anti-American sentiment was removed and the entire movie was badly dubbed (and Raymond Burr inexplicably added) for the release of “Godzilla” in America. But all of that nonsense was still not enough to kill the immense worldwide popularity of Godzilla. The spectacle of a 400-ft. tall, pissed-off mutant dinosaur (?) with radioactive breath tearing its way towards Tokyo was enough to secure a seemingly never-ending series of sequels. Unfortunately, like the American release of the movie, the sequels would further trivialize what started as a legitimate, if uncomplicated, statement about the immense human toll of nuclear warfare from the country that suffered through it.

Kyohei Yamane-hakase: I can’t believe that Godzilla was the only surviving member of its species… But if we continue conducting nuclear tests… it’s possible that another Godzilla might appear somewhere in the world again.

YouTube Direct Gojira, King of the Monsters

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