Our Top 10 list today comes from Will Dawson, whose Top 10 Worst James Bond Flicks list still generates lots of comments. J.D. and I both did a Top 10 list of that rare thing—the successful sequel—a while back (Eric’s Top 10 Best Sequels & J.D.’s Top 10 Best Sequels), and Will is looking at the other side of the coin today. We even had blogger Andrew Reed write a list of Top 10 Unfairly Maligned Sequels, in which he sticks up for one of the movies on Will’s list! If you’d like to contribute a Top 10 list of your own, send it to eric@scene-stealers.com. Here’s Will:

The sequel has been one of Hollywood’s most time honored inventions. However, in recent years, due to the fact that Hollywood has been running out of ideas, the sequel has come to represent a kind of dread to how bad it will be and makes people wonder “Why the hell did they make a sequel to that?” Anyway, here is a list of the 10 Worst Sequels of all time, which will make you wonder, “Why the hell did they make a sequel to that?”

10. Robocop 2 (1990)

To tell you the truth, I kind of do appreciate “Robocop 2” for its sincere camp value, and the movie is really campy. Such plot devices as Robocop talking about the merits of good hygiene, a 10-year-old drug dealer that swears like a sailor, and a little-league baseball team that rob a TV store all come to mind. However, these reasons are exactly why the movie is so bad to begin with. The first “Robocop” was an effective satire about law enforcement and what it meant to be human, while this one tries to be serious a criminal drama but ends up becoming an unintentional comedy with the clichéd message “Crime doesn’t pay…especially if you mess with Robocop.”

Cain: You Want Me?
Robocop: Dead or alive.
Cain: One of us must die.
Robocop: Alright, dead then.

9. Revenge of the Nerds 2: Nerds In Paradise (1987)

Taking off from the classic film “Revenge of the Nerds”, the writers decided to put the nerds in sunny Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., where they run into the same old enemies and engage in the same old sex-jinks. Although I do admire the producers for bringing back some of the original cast (unlike other movies on this list), the movie is a just rehash of the first one with the notable exceptions that the nerds are in “paradise” as it were, and Anthony Edwards has less of a role. Anyway, haven’t the nerds already gotten revenge in the first movie? Did they really need to get revenge in the second one? Oh well…..

Booger: Excuse me, miss. I just want you to know that I don’t intend to sleep with another woman until I’m back here in your arms with my head resting between your creamy thighs.

8. Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver (1998)

Oh man, I just wanted to write “The dog plays football!!!!!” and just get it over with, but I’ll delve into the mess that is “Air Bud 2.”. Basically Air Bud’s owner is on a football team that sucks so they enlist the help of Air Bud to play football, and it turns out Air Bud is super good at football. Beside the fact that non-humans cannot play high school football because it is against the rules, AIR BUD IS A FUCKING DOG AND HE DOESN’T HAVE FUCKING HANDS, thereby he CAN’T CATCH THE FOOTBALL!!!! And don’t give me this crap about how he catches it through his helmet with his mouth–if Air Bud was a real dog that did that in real life, the force and speed of the ball landing in Air Bud’s mouth would make Air Bud’s neck snap or break his teeth. Did I also mention that the dog plays football?

Coach: I’ll tell you one thing boys, that ain’t no golden retriever….that is a golden receiver!

7. The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Oh man, I remember when the hype for this was so big in high school and I remember being really pissed off when I didn’t see it in theaters, but anyway I rented it on DVD and I thought “Well … that sucked.” “The Matrix Reloaded” has a lot of problems that I’ll sum up in a few details: convoluted plot, bad dialogue, over-reliance on special effects, one of the worst sex scene/montages in film history, too much techno music, too much philosophy, and too much Keanu Reeves. Especially too much Keanu Reeves.

Morpheus: Tonight, let us shake this cave!!!!

6. Jaws 2 (1978)

After the colossal success that was “Jaws,” I suppose you had to make a sequel to it, and although this movie has one of the best taglines in film history (“Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water …”), it still is one of the worst sequels of all time. The shock factor of the shark scenes have become cliché by this point and the emphasis on the film was focused on Chief Brody’s stupid brat kids who get stranded in a sailboat whilst the shark encircles them. This makes the viewer root for the shark to eat said brat kids. You also hope that the spirit of Robert Shaw as Quint the Shark Hunter is going to show up to give Brody some spiritual advice, but he does not, which leaves the viewer with this mess of a film. I guess the reason why “Jaws 2” isn’t as fairly maligned as it should be is because of the horrendous films that followed in the series: “Jaws 3-D” and “Jaws: The Revenge.”

Chief Brody: (to the shark) Alright, you big bastard! Come on! I’ve got something for ya’ now! That’s it! Attaboy, come on! Right over here!

5. The Sting II (1983)

OK, here is a list of how to make your sequel automatically suck: release your it 10 years after the first film, don’t get any of the original cast members back, and think that just because it shares a title with one of the most beloved films of all time, people will go to the theater. Well guess what? “The Sting 2” is guilty of all of these things and it sucks. In a bit of puzzling casting, Paul Newman and Robert Redford (who were perfect in the original) are replaced by Jackie Gleason and Mac Davis. Even Robert Shaw is replaced by Oliver Reed. (It appears that the producers decided to cast the next hardest-drinking actor behind Robert Shaw, who had died of drinking by that time.) Also, why would you try and sting the same person again that you did in the first one? Wouldn’t you think that the “stingee” would notice that these were the same guys who were conning him from the first movie? Unfortunately, the film still shows up on cable every now and again, so beware.

4. Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991)

Ok, so in the original “Highlander,” Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) is an immortal who wins the prize of being the top immortal by cutting off the Kurgan’s head and becomes mortal and goes off and lives with his love interest. In “Highlander 2,” it turns out that the immortals are all from a distant planet that neither of them can remember and that MacLeod was not the one who won the prize and, in fact, there are other immortals about ready to fight MacLeod to win it. Combine this with bad special effects (even for the time), the fact that Sean Connery returns after his character was killed in “Highlander,” and an absurd plot line about the Ozone layer depleting (hey, at least it was prophetic), and you have “Highlander 2”: a giant colossal piece of crap. Russell Mulcahy (the first film’s director and this film’s director) walked out of the premiere and put together a new cut of the film called The Renegade Version, which basically got rid of all the elements about immortals being from space….but even The Renegade Version is still crap. This quote basically sums up the entire film:

Louise Marcus: Okay, now let me just see if I can get this straight. You come from another planet, and you’re mortal there, but you’re immortal here until you kill all the guys from there who have come here … and then you’re mortal here … unless you go back there, or some more guys from there came here, in which case you become immortal here … again.
Connor MacLeod: Something like that.

3. Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)

Ok, I’ll give Dan Aykroyd and John Landis some credit, at least they wanted to press on with the characters and take the series in a new direction, but it’s hard to do it when two of the most iconic actors in the series are dead. Seriously, this film is so unfunny that you would rather have a pineapple violently inserted up your nose then having to sit through just a minute of this movie. The sad part about this is that it appears as though Aykroyd was hoping that this would hopefully restart the series, but there’s just one problem: The Blues Brothers are not The Blues Brothers without John Belushi or Cab Calloway and trying to move on without them was a horrible mistake.

Elwood: Uh, ma’am, we’re the Blues Brothers. We do blues, rhythm & blues, jazz, funk, soul. We can handle rock, pop, country, heavy metal, fusion, hip hop, rap, Motown, operetta, show tunes. In fact, we’ve even been called upon, on occasion, to do a polka! However Caribbean is a type of music, I regret to say, which has not been, is simply not, nor will ever be a part of this band’s repertoire.

2. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)

The first “Deuce Bigalow” wasn’t going to rewrite film history, but at least it was mindless entertainment for an hour and 40 minutes with some good scenes. This movie, however, is terrible. The script appears to be written by a bunch of hormonally crazed 15-year-olds who don’t know anything about sex. The stereotypes are rampant and typical (woman from Chernobyl has penis for a nose, Dutch people are portrayed smoking weed, etc.), and the fact that this is a Rob Schneider movie make this film absolutely one of the worst movies I have ever seen. If you ever want your significant other to break up with you, plop this in the DVD player and watch.

Heinz Himmler: I am Heinz Hummer. I’m the gigolo with the most below. Okay? I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle… that will make you scream all night. Okay? But not now because I’m busy. So leave me alone, bitch.

1. Caddyshack 2 (1988)

Oh god, this movie is quite possibly the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Every committable offense you could make in a sequel is made: No original cast members (with the exception of Chevy Chase, who basically took the money and ran), a bad script, and the fact that none of the cast members appear to be interested at all make this film so very horrid. Jackie Mason, Robert Stack, and Dan Aykroyd are poor substitutes for Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, and Bill Murray–and you know you have a problem when this movie is rated PG, and the gopher is the most compelling character. Now, excuse me while I put in the original “Caddyshack” and try and forget about “Caddyshack 2.”

Capt. Tom Everett: If I pull the arrow out, will you p-please s-suck out the poison?
Ty Webb: Let me get this straight. You pull it out, I suck. Is there any money in it for me?

Tags: 10, all-time, awful, bad, ever, film, films, list, movie, movies, sequels, ten, terrible, top, Top 10 Worst Sequels, Worst

Yesterday “The Dark Knight” surpassed the $471 million mark, which means that it has overtaken “Star Wars” (and all of its re-issues) as the second-highest grossing film of all time in the U.S. Next up? 1997’s “Titanic,” which sits atop the all-time grossing list at a safe distance of $600 million—an amount that seems almost unattainable in this information age when you can download movies for free and get them on DVD four months after they’ve left theaters. The thing that makes a movie a runaway hit—something people feel the need to see right away and share with others—is its cultural resonance. And while “The Dark Knight” certainly signals the darker tastes of a country at war, it also speaks to our need for heroic myth and the inherent tragedy of Heath Ledger’s untimely death.

Not to take anything away from “The Dark Knight,” but the true test of a movie’s massive and popular cultural significance can be better tracked through an all-time grossing list that has been adjusted for inflation. The number of tickets sold for a movie is a bigger indicator of true interest and obsession than how much money was made total. The 10 movies on this list are already decided. Rather than merely ranking them as they appear, I’ll give a little perspective on each one so we can measure their lasting impact on society. This is the Top 10 Grossing Movies Adjusted for Inflation. As of today, “The Dark Knight” registers on this list at number 39, below “Home Alone” and “Love Story.”

10. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

Adjusted gross: $771,720,000

Once dubbed “Disney’s Folly,” this risky Disney film was the first full-length animated feature film ever to be made, and took just under four years and an astronomical $1.7 million to make. It used the multiplane camera to create depth and introduced human characters modeled on live actors, with and without rotoscoping It was the first film to release a motion picture soundtrack album, and its only Oscar nomination was for Best Score. Walt Disney, however, was awarded with an Honorary Oscar and was the movie was “recognized as a significant screen innovation which has charmed millions and pioneered a great new entertainment field for the motion-picture cartoon.” The movie changed the way people viewed cinema, and charmed legendary filmmakers such as Charlie Chaplin and Sergei Eisenstein. Adolf Hitler even supposedly offered Disney anything he wanted in exchange for the creation of feature-length animated features in Germany. For a short time, “Snow White” was the most poular film ever made.

9. The Exorcist (1973)

Adjusted gross: $782,826,200

Linda Blair’s possessed little turn in this shocking and supremely scary film got her enough death threats that Warner Bros. had to hire bodyguards for her during the six months after the film’s release. Love it or hate it, it is impossible not to ignore this William Friedkin-directed horror classic. People kept going back to get scared again and again. When it was released, it seemed to prey on the anxieties parents felt watching their kids’ generation grow distant and cynical amid a recession and the Watergate scandal. How terrifying was it to see their worst fears come alive, since Ellen Burstyn’s daughter wasn’t just experimenting with new lifestyles, but actually, literally, possessed by the Devil himself? Divorce was on the rise, the hippie hangover was in full swing, and parents everywhere felt like they were losing control of their kids. “The Exorcist” tapped into some of the country’s deepest, darkest fears and spawned hundreds of low-budget devil shockers (of which I tried to see as many as possible when I was young).

8. Doctor Zhivago (1965)

Adjusted gross: $878,879,200

Really? Omar Sharif and Julie Christie in director David Lean’s overly long early-1900s Bolshevik Revolution epic romance film? This was kind of a shocker for me, but here it is. Sweeping romances have the ability to enchant, for sure—just look at “Titanic.” Composer Maurice Jarre thought that Lean used his theme for Christie’s character too much in the movie, but its haunting melody has made it one of the most recognizable movie themes ever. “Doctor Zhivago” is also almost singlehandedly responsible for the brief popularization of the Balalaika, a three-stringed Russian guitar-like instrument. Christie’s wardrobe was also hugely influential, and soon women everywhere wearing long, thick fur coats and fur hats.

7. Jaws (1975)

Adjusted gross: $906,798,200

Steven Spielberg’s terrifying story of what lurks just under the surface of the water has an impact that simply cannot be overestimated—for better or worse, “Jaws” invented the summer blockbuster. Can you imagine a time before that idea even existed? I can’t. It was always that way for me growing up, and I doubt moviegoing cycles will ever stray too far from the inevitable summer-blockbuster hype. This happened because Universal Pictures made it an event: “Jaws” was the first film ever to get a “wide release” (409 theaters, expanded one month later to a whopping 675). They also took out massive media ads, including blanketing the TV. Up until then, studios built a movie slowly across the country, but when “Jaws” became a sensation, people were able to see it immediately and be a part of the movement. Beach attendance went way down, sharks have been stereotyped as vicious man-eaters ever since, and John Williams’ “du-dun-du-dun” score has become a classic piece of suspense music, forever synonymous with approaching danger.

6. Titanic (1997)

Adjusted gross: $908,688,900

Here’s an interesting point to consider: Before James Cameron’s record-breaking movie was even in the theaters, the term “titanic” had already strayed from its original definition of being of colossal or gargantuan size to becoming a foolhardy exercise in hubris. So, how do you measure the cultural significance of a movie based on an event so well-known that it spawned new meanings for a word? I measured it in screams—and not just those of the poor passengers who plunged to their deaths in a watery abyss, but also the screams of women all over the world whenever Leonardo DiCaprio was on the screen. He was such a teen sensation that Oscar even denied him a nomination, for fear of sullying their Best Actor category with a teen idol. Females returned to the theater in droves to relive the tragic romance of two fictional passengers on the ill-fated ship. And yet, there were more screams—namely the ones by Canadian devil-incarnate Celine Dion, who wailed “My Heart Will Go On” for what seemed like three years straight on the radio to bleeding eardrums everywhere who could find no release from the song’s constant torture. Like “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs,” the budget for “Titanic” was enormous for the time (over $200 million), and Hollywood thought it would sink both 20th Century Fox and Paramount. Guess what? It didn’t.

5. The Ten Commandments (1956)

Adjusted gross: $927,480,000

You can’t beat religion for mainstream appeal. Cross it with an epic scope, and you’ve got “The Ten Commandments.” Charlton Heston was Moses in this movie, billed as “The Greatest Event in Motion Picture History!” It was the last picture directed by the legendary Cecil B. DeMille. Getting another crack at the same story he filmed as a black-and-white silent movie in 1923, DeMille realized this one as an epic in widescreen VistaVision glory with color by Technicolor. The script contained 308 pages with 70 speaking parts and thousands of extras. Whether its being shown for a church fundraiser or just being shown on TV around Easter (since 1973) by ABC, this long, wooden, pretentious, and grueling movie still remains popular. Produced for a then-staggering cost of $13 million, the movie went on to become Paramount’s biggest-grossing movie ever, and it ranked as the most successful film in Hollywood history for many years.

4. E.T: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

Adjusted gross: $1,004,328,700

A little perspective: Steven Spielberg received the U.N. Peace Medal from the United Nations after a screening of this movie. Seriously. “E.T.” opened at number one with $11 million in June of 1982, and stayed at the top of the box office for six weeks. It then fluctuated between the first and second positions until—yes, you read it right—January 1983. This is back in the days when movies had legs. These days, it’s opening weekend and a couple more if you’re real strong. But six months? No way. “E.T.” was Spielberg’s fantasy about growing up, something everyone can relate to. Audiences were enchanted by its fairy-tale charm, and liked the familiarity of E.T.’s Christ-like resurrection, even though they may not have known why. Even director Richard Attenborough, whose “Gandhi” took home Best Picture and Best Director Oscars over Spielberg that year, said of the film: “I was certain that not only would ‘E.T.’ win, but that it should win. It was inventive, powerful, [and] wonderful. I make more mundane movies.” Besides, if it inspired Neil Diamond to write the non-authorized cash-in 1982 single “Heartlight” with Burt Bacharach and Carole Bayer Sager, you know there’s real magic in it somewhere.

3. The Sound of Music (1965)

Adjusted gross: $1,008,300,900

Filmed in in the 70mm widescreen hi-def Todd-AO format, Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “The Sound of Music” is responsible for a lot of U.S. staples from yesteryear: Julie Andrews; the songs “My Favorite Things,” “Do-Re-Mi,” and the title track; and a soundtrack album that has never been out of print. A steady diet of airings on TV never hurt the movie’s popularity, of course. I think this movie has been shown every Sunday afternoon since the beginning of time (which was good enough reason for me to stay away from it throughout my childhood).The thing about musicals is that, if you like the music enough, they don’t really get old. And a lot of people reeeaaallly like the music in this one. My two favorite versions of “My Favorite Things” are by John Coltrane and Bjork. If that doesn’t speak to the film’s varied and enduring popularity , then I don’t know what does.

2. Star Wars (1977)

Adjusted gross: $1,261,086,700

…and no, I refuse to call it “Episode IV: A New Hope.” Besides being responsible for accidentally redefining science fiction as a setting rather than a genre (Just because the lasers are in space doesn’t mean it’s not a Western!), George Lucas’ original “Star Wars” also opened up the world to the possibilities of movie tie-in merchandise. The detailed world he created in “Star Wars” was not only enough to spark the imaginations of kids of every age, but it was deep enough to ensure that the world would never run out of action figures and trading cards. Lucas based the story on the traditional inspirational hero myth, forging ahead with his vision of a “space opera.” Turns out he knew what audiences wanted. Demand for tie-ins was so high that toy manufacturer Kenner sold boxed vouchers in its “empty box” Christmas campaign. The vouchers could be redeemed for the toys in March 1978. At the height of the film’s popularity that same year, Lucas proved that the lure of money was too much and approved “The Star Wars Holiday Special,” which aired on TV and featured the movie’s stars singing with wookies.

1. Gone With the Wind (1939)

Adjusted gross: $1,430,476,000

Here’s another epic (clocking in at 226 minutes) that looked like it would bankrupt the studio, but producer David O. Selznick perservered and got the sweetest reward of his career. President Jimmy Carter would later recalled that the Atlanta premiere of “Gone With the Wind” was “the biggest event to happen in the South in my lifetime.” Georgia’s governor declared one of the three days of screenings for the film “a state holiday.” For six months, the film played only advance-ticket road show engagements at a limited number of theaters, going into general release only in 1941. Simply put, more U.S. citizens have bought tickets to this movie than any other movie in history, and the cramble to see this event picture in the theater was absolutely huge. Like almost every other movie on the list, this total includes all theatrical reissues of the movie such as 1947, 1954, 1961, 1967, 1971, 1989, and 1998. Rhett Butler’s farewell line to Scarlett O’Hara, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”, was voted in a poll by the American Film Institute in 2005 as the most memorable line in cinema history. Looking at the adjusted gross for this movie makes me realize how far “The Dark Knight” has to go.

Tags: all-time, biggest movies, cultural significance, dark knight, most popular, Top 10 Grossing Movies Adjusted for Inflation, top-grossing movies