I’m so proud of our sitegoers. Less than a week ago, I said we would give away 50 free passes for a KC advance screening of “The Hangover” to the readers with the best hangover/Vegas/drunk/bachelor party stories. We only had two days, though, to collect them all and give out the tickets.
Boy, did you ever respond.
We got so many responses that the studio upped our ticket count from 50 to 100! I have to assume that some of these stories were made up just to get tix, but some of them have a level of detail so high and personal that they can only be true (even if they “happened to a friend”)!
First we’ll start with a highlight reel; then we’ll get on with the longer, really scary stories. Remember, these were all submitted by you. Again, you guys rule. Plain ans simple. We have the best readers and we love you.
It’s a good thing that social media tools like Twitter and facebook have taught us to overshare. Congratulations to everyone who opened up these painful moments to the public for a pair of free tickets to a movie. WARNING: THE STARK FACTS AND PHOTOS CONTAINED BELOW MAY SHOCK AND DISMAY MORE SENSITIVE VIEWERS. Here is a highlight sampling (with the names of the submitters removed to protect the not-so-innocent) of some of the scariest entries:
“…came home, went to the refrigerator looking for something to sober me up. Dove into what I thought was corned beef hash. Woke up the next day, suffering from a severe hangover headache and a churning stomach only to discover an empty can of dog food sitting on the counter.”
“I woke up with my partner and 2 other persons naked in one of the other person’s condo.”
“…many hours later, I awoke to find my friend Ted asleep on the floor of the guest room at the end of the bed. I was cold. And wet. And smelled of urine. Awesome. He’d peed on me in my sleep.”
“The lenses were basically stuck to her eye because they had dried out from the smoky atmosphere of all the bars, plus keeping them in while she slept. She got the contacts out of her eyes, but her eyes burned like hell. Turns out she the dried contacts absorbed moisture from her eye and caused her to tear off several layers of her cornea.”
“My old roommates and I got drunk in Manhattan before a Ultimate Fakebook/Anything But Joey show and found a [severed] turkey head and leg in someone’s lawn while walking to the venue. A “certain band member” watched us put the dead animal on Anything But Joey’s van. The best part is—we carried it with bare hands, but the band removed it with plastic bags.”
“About 8 in the morning I awoke from a deep sleep on my porch swing which was covered in hair. My friend was passed out on a couch with a fresh, crooked mohawk that I found out later in the day I had given him around midnight…”
“I once went out for dollar drinks down at what used to be Mickey’s Irish Pub and ended up waking up next to Kohl’s under a tree not having a single clue how I got there, then I hitchhiked home in Overland Park! Still don’t know what happened that night.”
“You know that you did a good job of drinking the night before when you wake up someplace that you don’t recognize and the first question that you ask yourself is, ‘Wasn’t I wearing underwear last night?’”
“…the rest of the night is hazy, but I know it ended with me head-butting the door on the way out of the bar, followed by a midnight trip to a golf course to look for an alligator named Elvis.”
“I hollered up at a buddy of mine on the top of the houseboat and asked for a beer. Unfortunately he threw 2 – I caught the first one, but the second one hit me right above my left eye, knocking me out and cutting my eyebrow open in two places.”
“I tried to get her to leave with me so I could take her home; however, someone convinced her to go home with this guy so she wouldn’t get in trouble for coming in too late. It turns out that this “guy” was really a girl and my friend found this out the next day.”
“We drank 4 bottles of Hennessy, got kicked out of a few strip clubs because one of the girls said we ‘touched’ them, while they were dancing, in an inappropriate place. Then we drove and got lost, ended up in some corn field and passed out. Woke up and was being towed by a tractor.”
“Watching a random crazy girl COVER a passed-out friend in ketchup! Pictures do it more justice!”
Those were just teasers. The stories that follow recall in harrowing detail some very specific moments that will live in infamy. These are a little longer, but worth the time. Thanks again everybody, and enjoy the movie tomorrow night. (Just think, all the people whom these stories happened to will under the same roof tomorrow night watching the same movie. Scary. And awesome.) Here’s the full stories:
1. So me and my friends went out for my buddy’s bachelor party and got pretty wasted in the bar district. My buddy Clay wasn’t aware that the bachelorette party was also going on in the same area, but due to planning ahead of time, the two parties wouldn’t interact. After getting pretty toasted we all left the bar to go to another one and Clay wasn’t with us. He had wandered off and thought we had already left and was trying to find us at a random bar across the street. When he was there, he saw a group of hotties and approached them and they were doing a game for a girl who was to be married the next day. For a dollar, you could grab a lifesaver from her shirt with your mouth. Clay decided he didn’t want to pay for that and just threw his head straight into her boobies then looked up and kissed her on the lips. The girls around him went insane and got him thrown out of the bar. He then wandered down the street and found us at another bar and told us the story of how he got thrown out. Needless to say, we were all rolling in laughter and brought our buddy over to hear the story. Once Clay connected the dots and realized that he had just planted his face in the bosom of our buddy’s “bride-to-be,” he insisted that he took a slap in the face from him. What followed was the hardest slap I’ve ever seen which took Clay down to the floor. Next day at the wedding, Clay had a pretty noticeable hand imprint on his face and the look on the bridesmaids when they saw him was priceless!
2. I got married in my early 20s (the first time). My college buddies arranged for my last night out the night before my rehearsal dinner. To say the least, we tied one on. Though we did avoid arrest when a cop in the Westport area caught us relieving ourselves in the alley way…who can find a bathroom among all the bars in that area? That night we stayed at a friend’s apartment (instead of taking me back to the apt. I shared with my future first wife). I proceed to relieve myself of all my day’s meals in a visiting friend’s duffle bag…hey, it was the first thing I saw to throw up in! The remainder of the night, I spent on the cool relief of the bathroom’s tile floor. Sometime during the evening, my lower intestines relieved themselves of all of their contents. In the morning, I was found still asleep, but with very awake bowels. They helped me get cleaned up—helped lifting me into the shower with my clothes still on in a kind of combination body and clothes wash cycle.
I rested as much as I could, but to be honest I was never (and still am not) much of a drinker. When they took me home late in the afternoon. My fiancée was not amused, since I was still very, very hungover.
I made it to the church, with only one stop on the way to throw up. I made it through the rehearsal and only excused myself once to throw up.
Before heading to the rehearsal dinner, my father took me aside and commented how angry my soon-to-be-wife was with me…and he was justified in being upset and that it probably won’t be the last time. WOW, thanks Dad for the “rah, rah, go get ‘em tiger” speech.
I made it through half of the rehearsal dinner before throwing in the towel and excusing myself. I thanked everyone for attending and said I look forward to seeing them all tomorrow. To my fiancée’s credit, she gave me a few choice words that night, but put it all behind her the next day.
Being a good friend, he left my soiled jeans in an airtight plastic bag under his apartment stairs. Being frugal, I did pick up the jeans after our honeymoon. I think the jeans lasted longer than my marriage.
3. I went to Vegas on business with my secretary and we stayed at the Hard Rock. Our flight gave us no food so being very hungry, we decided to have dinner. Unfortunately, the restaurant was booked for the next 2 hours. We decided to start drinking martinis at the bar. After the 5th martini, I could barely stand and was feeling dizzy. We decided to adjourn to our rooms. When we got to my room, I opened the door and pretty much we both fell through the door and landed on the floor. Sorry, this is not going to be a Penthouse forum story. After about an hour, she started to wake and did some of those dry throw-up heaves, but nothing was coming out. This went on for a few minutes and it was making me sick. As we were laying about a foot away on the floor, I started to vomit all over her. Within about 30 seconds of this, the foul smell caused her to vomit, and of course, she aimed her vomit on me. We started to laugh at each other, and laughed so hard we again ‘purposely’ vomited on each other. We then dry-heaved (in rhythm) for a bit more (as we were out of stomach food) and then I walked her to her room to get cleaned up. The looks of people as we were both walking down the hall were priceless as we were covered from head to toes with smelly vomit.
4. Before kids, my girlfriends and I would hop a plane and head to Sin City for a weekend of frolic every Spring. This was long before the slogan “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” but the feeling was the same. I don’t know if it is all the oxygen they pump into the casinos or just the warm sunshine but Vegas has a way of allowing you to let go. And let go we did. A particular night in question involved riding the camels outside the Luxor until we got kicked off the property. Mind you – that isn’t a pun for something else. We literally jumped the small chain keeping you off the grass and hoped on the backs of three huge camels. I do have the photos – but you won’t find them on facebook. We staggered our way, cocktails in hand to MGM where we thought it would be “fun” to kidnap Toto from the Wizard of Oz scene and skip around the casino singing “Follow the yellow brick road” – I still don’t remember if Toto ever made it back safely to Dorothy but we definitely weren’t allowed back to MGM. Or were we? We ended the evening or should I say morning loading up on a senior tour bus to Lake Mead. Luckily one of us had the sense to realize we wouldn’t be able to get any more booze if we stayed on the bus and we headed happily on our way after well wishes of our new friends. It sounds juvenile and ridiculous in the recounting of it all. Of course it was but man did we have a good time. If posted, please use an anonymous name, since all these things really did happen in Vegas.
5. On my 21st birthday, I woke up in the hospital with my mom staring down at me. The last thing I remembered was leaving the bar with my girlfriend. Come to find out, I had gotten out of her car at my apartment without her assistance, stood up, and then fell face forward onto the parking lot cement – without bracing my fall. I then tried to get up, without using my hands and proceeded to push my face across the pavement.
My girlfriend, seeing my face covered in blood and one of my front teeth missing, took me to the emergency room. I passed out on the way there. After the nurses and docs pulled my shirtless, bloodied body from the car, they ran a blood alcohol test on me, and it came back at .342. No, that’s not a typo – my blood alcohol level was .342.
Hence, my waking up in the hospital looking up at my mom. My first questions was, “How f’d up is my car?”
She replied, “There wasn’t a car wreck, you did this to yourself.”
I spent the next week w/ relatives and friends parading in and out of my apartment, all stopping by to get a look at the toothless, scraped up, idiot who had just celebrated his 21st birthday. I also need a root canal to replace my missing front tooth.
6. There’s nothing unusual about drinking at a wedding. It’s not really that strange to jump in a pool, fully dressed, at such an occasion. But waking up the next day only to discover you’re still at the reception and were supposed to deliver the bride and groom to the airport for their honeymoon is a bit daunting.
The horrible feeling you get when you see you have no less than twelve voicemails waiting for you on your phone, which you left in your car, at someone else’s house, which you now have to walk to, in a wet, crumpled bridesmaid dress, while passing a church just ending its service on a Sunday morning, really is best described in three words: more alcohol needed.
Let’s just say there’s one anniversary I won’t be forgetting. And it’s not mine.
7. I had a great time at a friend’s bachelor party. A couple of weeks later, I was having a few beers with my wife and her father. The groom showed up and proceeded to tell every minutiae of his bachelor party with a bit of a focus on my part. A few of the anecdotes raised my father-in-law’s eyebrows–to say the least! I am not going to put the details of the party online. Imagination will have to suffice. That evening, I could not shut the guy down from spilling all the f#%king beans. All the fun and seemingly innocent insanity of the party became another night’s damnation. I will say I earned a greater respect for the reasoning behind the line, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”
8. The best hangover I had in Vegas was when I woke up in my hotel room with a 2500$ check on my bed…not remembering because I drank wwwaaaayyyyy tooooo much…i won a jackpot on at a slot machine..till this day I cant remember what kind it was… :):)
The funniest part is…a month later I received a letter from the casino with my winning picture..boy did I look trashed, I’m suprised they even gave me the money.
9. On my one and only trip to Vegas I impulsively married a guy I barely knew. It quickly turned into a bad deal because as soon as we returned he took off with my car for 3 days, purse inside, cashed out and overdrew my checking account, and ran up my credit cards. There was nothing I could do at this point because this guy was now my “husband.” I was stuck paying the credit cards and overdraft fees with money I no longer had and of course eventually had to come up with money to turn around and divorce him so he couldn’t continue to take advantage of me.
10. Before I was even old enough to REALLY enjoy the fruits of Vegas, I was there with my Uncle and my cousin visiting for the weekend. To give us something to do, we picked up a mutual friend of my cousin and mine (a girl). Her parents looked skeptical, probably because uncle looks like the perfect Mexican stereotype; pudgy, with a mustache, just put a sombrero on him. Later that night, while my uncle went out to get drunk and gamble his money away, my cousin, myself and our friend wandered the streets of Vegas causing havok and picking up as many fliers with boobs on them as we could. The girl was supposed to be home at 10, but had to say the night because my Uncle was too drunk to drive her home. The next day we took her back to her house with cop cars in the driveway, only to find out we were hours away from an Amber Alert and a city wide search put out on my Uncle. The End.
WOW. A MULTIPLE OFFENDER BARES ALL: Well, I woke up recently after a pub crawl with a broken, bloody nose & 2 black eyes. I can put some of the pieces together, but still not 100% sure how it happened! Good news is that the hangover headache was dwarfed by the incredible pain I was in.
Or there was the time I went shot for shot with a bartender and woke up with a broken arm. My friends & boyfriend put the pieces of the night together for me and I guess the broken arm happened when I fell in between Lucky’s and The Claret Room. It obviously didn’t bother me at the time because I proceeded to go into the Claret Room and, after making an obnoxious scene, threw up in the trash can. Then we went back to my boyfriend’s place and I was still a bit wobbly. I bit it in the kitty litter and I just sat there with cat poop surrounding me for a second looking at the mess I made. I still have absolutely no recollection of any of this.
And then there was the time I went to the Plaza right after I graduated college and I was still living with my parents. We met up with some random dudes and went back to their place for an after party. I accidentally left my phone there when we got picked up from their house by my friend’s ex-boyfriend ‘ he took us to his place where we all crashed. I woke up with an awful hangover, but suddenly realized I had to go to my sister-in-law’s wedding shower at my mom’s friend’s house. I think the guys that had my cell phone called one of my friends, so we rushed to their place to pick it up … After which I noticed my mom had called me about 20 times wondering where I was, thinking I was in danger or something. We rushed back to Overland Park where we all made the walk of shame in front of my parents, my grandma and my aunt & uncle. I got ready as quick as I could and we all headed to the wedding shower. I couldn’t talk to anyone at the party because I reaked of alcohol and the second I stood up, I felt pukey, so I just sat next to my grandma (who had a touch of alzheimer’s, so I got to hear the same story over and over for 2 hours) the entire time. I finally couldn’t take it anymore, so I got up to talk to some of my mom’s friends (who were mostly my old elementary school teachers). Before I could say 2 words, I could feel the vomit coming up .. So I rushed into my mom’s friend’s bathroom and proceeded to barf all over the place. Not my classiest moments.
And, I had a pretty crazy bachelorette party myself. A bunch of girls went to the lake and rented a condo down there. We all went partying at the Horny Toad and had a fantastic time, but I was still ready for more action when we all came back (although everyone else went to bed). The first thing I did to continue the party was to give everyone a fashion show of my new lingerie – one of which was a naughty santa outfit. Of course, plenty of pictures were taken (and one of my friends actually has one displayed in her apartment for everyone to see – awesome). We got bored of that, so a couple of girls and I snuck into the community pool (at 3 am) where we met some guys who were celebrating a bachelor party. They promised us that they had an awesome “hot tub” back at their place, so we went with them to continue the party. The “hot tub” actually ended up being their jetted bath tub – and they didn’t even have any hot water, so they had to bring buckets of water from the kitchen sink to fill the bath tub up. We were about to leave when the strippers showed up. Now, strippers who come to you from the Lake of the Ozarks at 3:00 are not necessarily the classiest of ladies. One of my friends decided to tell them that it was my bachelorette party, too, so one of them made me lie on the floor (while I was still in my bikini), poured chocolate syrup all over my stomach and then gave me a very graphic personal dance on top of me. This was definitely one of the most unforgettable experiences in my life – not the most enjoyable, but very memorable!
I have a billion Vegas stories, as well, but I’ll leave those for another time.